D/s ROLES
Each relationship is different, and so the roles of the Dominant and Submissive can vary massively. One thing that usually remains constant is that there is a power exchange from one person to another, which leaves one individual surrendering their will.
Much like other kinks, there are spectrum's to determine how hardcore you wish to be during scenes or what you want to achieve within the D/s relationship. Here are a few of these categories:
Submissive Spectrum
Sexual Submissives - Will carry out chores for their Doms. These Submissives are trained by their partners to perform sexual acts, such as preparing them for anal sex, learning to deep throat and other sexual services.
Natural Submissives - Sometimes referred to as a 'Psychological Submissives'. This describes an individual that enjoys the physical act of submission, and can often have masochistic tendencies, liking harder play than most other types of Subs. Can often lead to a more intense role such as acting as their 'Slave'. This Submissive may be into it for the pain and humiliation and could see these activities as a punishment, which gives them the release they crave. These subs can be broken down into two more sub-categories (lmao "sub"-categories) :
Service Submissives - Focuses on doing acts of service for their partners while caring for them. This may include drawing baths for them, giving massages, or preparing food and drinks. These Submissives will work to make their Dominant's lives easier.
Pain Submissives - These Submissives are masochists, and while they do not enjoy other parts of submission, they enjoy pain. During the scene, this Sub will submit to their Doms during 'bedroom play' but when the scene ends an equal relationship is resumed.
KimDebron wrote an article giving a metaphor that I thought summed up the spectrum nicely:
"The Psychological submissive drinks water because she likes it. Sure she will drink it with curry, but she'll drink it with roast beef, she'll drink it with sandwiches, she'll drink it without food at all - because she likes the taste, the way it flows down the gullet, the cleansing feel.
The slave/natural submissive is someone in a hot climate. She has to drink water. Nothing else does the job. She can try wine or beer or sweet drinks, but when push comes to shove she must have clean water, because the others don't cure the thirst. They might allay it some but when the heat is very fierce, water is the only solution."
Dominant Spectrum
The Ritual and Protocol Dominant - A Dominant who's very pragmatic and likes concrete, tangible outcomes may favour rituals and protocols. They're the kind of Dominant who might be able to step into the role of Emperor or Empress...expecting their Subs to simply hang around and be available for use. They are aware of subtle details in their appearance, attire, and demeanour and are likely to be very aware of body language during a scene
The Standing Orders Dominant - The type of Dominant you imagine when you hear the word "strict." They have standards they live by – and will impose them on their Sub. They like things done the right way...their way. They manage their own lives smoothly, with to do lists which they often place before anything else. They have a solid sense of order and routine.
The Behaviour Modifications Dominant - This Dominant's motto is "It's for your own good." They get pleasure out of seeing others improve, even if it does not directly benefit them, the Dominant. They are obsessed with their Subs inner workings and how to "fix" flaws. They are often sweet and caring and are proud of their partner when they do something to improve their life or break bad habits.
SUBSPACE/DOMSPACE
Ever heard of the phrase 'subspace' or 'domspace' in a book and not known what the hell it is? I've got you bruh.
Subspace is essentially a psychological state that Subs find themselves in during an intense scene and describes when they unconsciously participate in the scene. Deep subspace is often characterised as a state of deep recession and incoherence. When a Sub reaches this stage, aftercare is required (there will be a later chapter dedicated to aftercare) or they can experience 'drops' relating to bad moods or feeling extremely emotional.
Domspace is one in the same, but describes when the Dom is in the altered state. Many describe the feeling as if they're on a high, or like everything is amplified. Of course, being the Dom in the situation they must make sure that the scene remains safe while in this state, and Domspace heightens their awareness of their partners emotions.
When we hear the words 'Dominant' and 'Submissive' we often get one image in our heads that pops up right away: Slave/Master.
While a Slave/Master BDSM relationship is most widely talked about, it is not even close to the only one practiced.
Dominants can include:
Master/Mistress
Daddy/Mommy
Femdom
etc.
Submissives can include:
Slave
Pet
Little
Sissymaid
etc.
We will be touching up on the most common D/s and S/s in future chapters, but if you wish to have something clarified now, do not hesitate to ask.
All and all, every BDSM relationship is different for each person. Some people stick to one type. Others mix it around based on how they may feel that day. A popular term used that you may have heard of is a Switch, or a male or female who practices in BDSM that can go from being dominant to submissive as they please.
Bottom line all BDSM relationships -- as discussed in the previous chapter -- are consented to, most using a contract to seal the deal of what is to be carried out and acted upon.
