You're The Reason That I Speak.

To Be Saved.

Mitch.

This was going to be hell, there is no other way that I am able to put it other than hell. Scott had to basically dragged me out of the house this morning, I just froze, I felt like I was going to throw up the whole time that I was moving, the world around me seemed to go all in a blur. Before I could do anything I had my bag placed on my lap, my hands were playing with the strap and I was watching the doors of the bus close. I heard the engine rev slightly and we began to move. It just hit me as I sat there, for the second time in the past month I am going to have to walk in to a building where I know no one, not one single person and pretend that everything is okay and that I'm just a "normal" person, what the fuck is "normal" anyway? Is it behaving in a certain way? Conforming to those around you just to get in to the same friendship group as them? Acting like you are something that you're not? I've already nailed that last one.

I don't think I'm a normal person, surely there is no normal person that thinks the way I think, no normal person will have the urges that I have. I don't think that I fully understand what a normal person is, like how do they act? how do they speak to others? do they even exist or is every person simply just acting? Is every person not really who they say they are? Is Scott not who he appears to be? What if I'm not who I am supposed to be? What if I am acting but don't realise it because it's imbedded in to my mind that this is the way that I have to be.

No! if this was an act and this is how I was supposed to be, like everyone else, I would not feel so out of place where ever go, I wouldn't have people staring at me and then whispering to their friends as I walk past them, I wouldn't have been bullied, I was bullied because I wasn't the same as everyone else, I was bullied for being, well for being, me.

There is no way that I am a normal person, I don't fit in with the definition of what normal is. To me a normal person does not fully exist. There isn't anything normal about society or how people are being treated, normal people for me are just a concept made up by others to try and get people to follow what they say, "be normal for once" they say, "why aren't you like normal people?" they snarl, "why can't I be with a normal person?" they spit. Being normal doesn't seem normal to me, why would you want to be normal when it's something that you're told to be by people who aren't normal themselves, no one on this earth is normal. Everyone has their own flaws and their own insecurities, those things mean that they would not fit in to the normal definition, but that makes them, them it makes the beautiful in their own way. Being normal is just something that others will say to you when they can't understand you for who you are, when they are unable to see things the way that you see them.

My thoughts were interrupted by Scott tapping me on my arm, I looked over to him, he made a movement with his head, I looked around me, there was no one left on the bus. I felt myself stand up and start to walk to the doors of the bus, I felt wrong, something didn't feel right, I had no control, my body was moving but my brain seemed to be somewhere else. I slowly stepped down off of the bus and stood still, I looked up to the tree that was in front of me. It was just one tree, no more around it, just that one tree standing up tall, standing proud. My eyes strayed over to look at its branches, I thought about how strong the trunk of the tree looked how it stood, the scars that have been left in its flesh from years of people mistreating it and not caring about it, it still stood strong and stayed rooted to that same place, it hadn't fallen, it hadn't been cut down because it was deemed dangerous, it was still there fighting. Its branches on the other hand they were reaching away, they were desperately trying to find any possible way that they could escape from being near to the base of the tree, they grew out to the left of the tree, straining and pleading, reaching towards the morning sun for help to be saved.

I heard a deep voice behind me but I couldn't hear all that was being said, I continued to look at the branches of the tree, I looked at how the leaves clung on to them, how they managed to stay strong enough to hold on, no matter what. I jumped when I felt a hand place its self on my shoulder, I turned to face Scott, I thought I'd try and make an effort to try and get myself back to normal again, hey there's that word again, it seems to pop up everywhere doesn't it?