Of Chores and Crowns (A Merlin Fanfiction) ✔

Chapter Thirty

Merlin dragged me into the small pantry and made sure the door was completely shut before turning around to face me.

I blushed, making sure to avoid meeting his gaze. I let my arms rest at my sides, but my fists were clenching and unclenching my skirts nervously.

As soon as breakfast finished and everyone had dispersed, Merlin had led me to this small closet, determined to have our little talk. I was, admittedly, less thrilled at being locked in a room with a man who wanted me to spill my guts.

"Dawn, look at me." He requested, making sure to keep his voice gentle and calm. It was as if I were a dear he was trying so desperately not to set off.

Finally, unable to avoid it any longer, I met his eyes. He looked grim and I hated having him look at me with that expression.

"You fancy Arthur." He stated the obvious.

"I believe I am in love with him."

The room was filled with deafening silence, both of us filled with shock. The world around us seemed to halt. He hadn't expected to hear that, and I definitely hadn't expected to say it.

I hadn't even known I had felt that way, but as soon as the words were out of my mouth, I knew it was true.

Finally, I gasped loudly, reeling backwards. Suddenly everything was moving again and I found tears were streaming down my face. I moved backwards until I had my back to the wall, before sliding down to the floor.

I loved him.

My skirts pooled around my legs and I felt like I couldn't breathe. This was absolutely horrible.

"Oh my god, I love him." I muttered, needing to hear it out loud again.

The words didn't have a positive effect on me, and I soon found myself crying harder. Merlin moved next to me, letting me lean into his side. He wrapped an arm around me in comfort, but it was clear he felt a little useless in this situation.

He rubbed my shoulder in a soothing motion until my sobs had quieted and there were only silent tears running down my face.

I was in love with my best friend's betrothed.

I had judged Faye for having fun with her knight and all the while, I had been unconsciously falling for the man she was going to marry.

It felt like the ultimate betrayal.

I did not know how she felt about Arthur, or even if she felt anything at all, but I knew she would go through with marrying Arthur if it meant insuring both of our safety. Many people claimed she was selfish, but she had literally given up her whole life for Camelot's future.

And I was ruining it.

Then I came to my conclusion:

"I must go."

Merlin turned towards me, shocked by both hearing me speak and what I had said. He pulled away so he could turn to look at me completely, but as soon as I was out of his arms, I was climbing to my feet in order to pace around the small room.

"Dawn, I think that's a little bit of an exaggeration." He tried to soothe me.

"You and I both know it's not." I retorted, "If we want Arthur and Faye to fulfill their destinies as the rulers of Camelot, I need to leave."

"What if Arthur's destiny is to rule by you instead?" He asked, pulling himself to his feet as well.

I scoffed.

"In what universe is it a servent's destiny to rule a kingdom?"

"You aren't just a servent, Dawn."

I turned to face him, my expression softening. During my time here, I had come to think of Merlin as a very close friend. I could tell it pained him to see me so upset, but he knew the truth deep down.

"I need to go, Merlin." I repeated, more gently this time.

He sighed, but didn't protest. Instead, he asked, "Where will you go?"

I couldn't help but falter.

"Well, I'm not quite sure." I admitted, blushing slightly.

"For how long will you be gone?"

I looked away, twisting my hands, before saying, "I-I am not certain."

"What about the princess?"

That question was one I actually had an answer to. I looked back up to meet his gaze and said, "Fayelinn can take care of herself."

"I do not doubt that," He confessed, "However, she will miss you. You will make her life difficult by leaving her so suddenly. You two are a team."

It hurt me to think about leaving her, but I knew it was what needed to be done. If I wanted to insure her safety and happiness, I needed to remove myself from her life. At least until it didn't hurt me to see her and Arthur together.

"I will be making her life so much more difficult if I stay." I finally responded.

"Dawn--"

"No, Merlin!" I finally burst out, interrupting him.

He fell silent, and I couldn't help but feel guilty about my outburst. He had only been trying to help, and he was making some very good points. I hadn't thought this decision through, but I also knew it was the right thing to do.

"I have one last question." Merlin finally said, breaking the silence.

"What is that?"

"Why?"

I paused, turning to look at him, a confused expression on my face. I said, "What do you mean?"

"Why are you leaving?" He clarified, "Why not stay and help Fayelinn. You and I both know she would be better off if you were here, no matter what you try to claim. So, why leave?"

I sighed, closing my eyes before I opened my mouth to speak.

"I can not stay here and watch them fall in love, and marry, and have children. I can not bear it any more than I can bear a dagger through my heart."

When I opened my eyes again, Merlin was watching me with sad eyes that had seen hundreds of tragedies.

"Go to my home village." He finally told me, "Ask for Hunith, my mother. She will take care of you for however long you feel you need to stay away."

I opened my mouth to protest, but the look on his face made me fall silent. I reached out to take his hand in mine.

"Thank you, Merlin." I told him, making sure he knew I was sincere.

He nodded and smiled, but it was a solemn gesture. I sighed, pulling away, before straightening out my clothes and wiping my face clear of tears.

"So it's settled, then?" He asked in a last ditch resort. He couldn't help but look away when he saw my nod.

"I'll leave first thing in the morning."