Of Chores and Crowns (A Merlin Fanfiction) ✔

Chapter Thirty-two

When Merlin was gone, the stables were quiet. I shuffled my feet, avoiding meeting his gaze. Gwen had lent me some pants for the ride, and I couldn't believe the amount of movement I had gained.

"You're leaving." Arthur said, stating the obvious.

"I am." I confirmed, nodding.

He moved closer to me, his face full of his emotions. I moved to put Abatos in between the two of us, an easy excuse to avoid him.

"Why?"

I opened my life to lie to him, but I found that I couldn't. The lie couldn't make it past my lips.

"It's...complicated." I finally told him, honestly.

"How so?"

"Arthur, don't." I whispered, tears welling up in my eyes. I hugged myself and turned away from him.

He moved around the horse and wrapped his arms around me. I refused to lean into him, biting my lip in order to stop my sob from escaping my chest. He pressed his face into my hair, and I couldn't help the little whimper that escaped me.

"Dawn." He whispered, his warm breath tickling my ear, "Don't leave me."

I ripped myself out of his arms, suddenly angry at him. I whirled around, glaring at him.

"No!" I snarled, "You do not get to say that! You are going to marry the princess!"

"Dawn--"

"I cannot just sit around and wait!" I exclaimed, "I am going to leave and I'm going to stay away until I feel like it."

"Dawn--"

"Because that is what I need! I've always put the needs of others before my own, but I'm not going to this time! I am not waiting around here."

"But--"

"But what, huh?" I demanded, narrowing my eyes, "But the prince isn't used to not getting what he wants?"

"I'm--"

"I'm not going to stay here and torture myself just because you don't want to lose your precious play thing."

"You're not--"

"I'm--" I started.

"Enough!" He burst out, "You are not a play thing! You are the woman I love!"

I froze, turning to look at him with wide eyes. He was watching me, his fists clenched. We didn't move for the longest time.

"I'm what?" I finally said, shaking my head in disbelief.

He scoffed, turning away from me. He reached up over his head to rub the back of his next in frustration. When he swung back around, he was obviously irritated.

"How couldn't you know?" He asked, "I have been falling for you since that first day when you stood up to me. You were so beautiful with your messy hair and that crazy look in your eyes."

I gaped at him in disbelief. I had never imagined that Arthur would return my feelings. I've spent this whole time pining for him, and I had no idea he was going through the exact same thing. 
It only cemented the fact that I needed to go.

There was no way the two of us could be together, and if I stayed anyways, I would only get in the way of Faye's future.

I shook my head and said, "I need to start moving. I have a long journey ahead of me."

"Are you not listening to what I have to say?!" He exclaimed.

I looked away, wrapping my arms around myself in a hug. Arthur ran his hands through his hair, messing it up. Suddenly, he rushed forward, grabbing my arms in his hands. He pulled me close, looking into my eyes intensely.

"I love you." He said, "I am in love with you, Dawn. I want to see you everyday for the rest of my life. I am heartbreakingly, irrevocably in love with you."

"Arthur--"

"Don't leave." He whispered, interrupting me. He closed his eyes and rested his forehead against mine.

I took in a shaky breath, the temptation growing. I wanted nothing more than to take him into my arms and never let him go. But, I knew I couldn't.

"I need to go." I finally said after a minute of breathing him in.

I pulled away, wiping the tears from my face. I took a deep breath, closing my eyes for a minute.

"I need to go." I repeated, my voice more firm this time. I didn't know if I was trying to convince him or myself.

I nodded firmly, stepping around him to move next to Abatos. I grabbed the horse's reins and clicked my tongue once to get him moving. We slowly walked out of the stable doors and entered the courtyard.

This time, Arthur didn't protest as I left.

I paused in the courtyard, checking to make sure all of my bags were stable. When I was ready, I mounted Abatos. I tightened my grip on his reins. I was about to click my tongue to get him moving, but before we could go anywhere, Arthur appeared at my side, grabbing the reins and effectively stopping us.

"Arthur?" I asked. I clenched my fists, looking straight ahead.

I knew if I looked at him, I would start crying again.

"I just have one last question." He said, his voice thick with emotion.

I didn't say anything. I knew he would ask no matter what I decided to tell him.

"Do you love me?"

The tears brimmed over and fell down my cheeks at his question, so I turned to face him anyway. The expression on his face was so vunerable, it broke my heart.

I needed to get out of here as soon as possible.

"I just need to know if you love me in return."

It would break his heart if I told him the truth. If he learned the girl he was in love with loved him in return, but was still leaving anyway, it would hurt him.

It hurt me and I couldn't let him feel the same way I did.

I looked up again, closing my eyes so I couldn't see his face. I would miss him like I would miss my arm if I lost it.

"I can't." I finally told him.

He reeled away in shock, and before he regained control of himself, I dug my heels into Abatos's flank, sending him racing away.

As we left, I turned to look at him over my shoulder. He was standing alone in the courtyard, abandoned by the girl he loved.

"I do." I whispered into the wind, turning back to the front.

I leaned over, pressing my head against Abatos's neck, his mane whipping me in the face.

"I love you, Arthur Pendragon."