liberty // luke hemmings

chapter one

Dedicated to myself, to inspire me to get the hell out of here...

This whole thing happened so fast, I didn't even have time to think about it. Greyson had somehow managed to convince me to move to New York city with him after graduation. Though leaving the small town where we were raised could seem like a charming suburban community, I knew he was right. I wasn't ever going to leave. My future was inevitable, I would marry some boring Chinese man as my father hoped and work at his beloved business so the tradition would live on. But I didn't want that. But I did at one point. I somehow spent my whole high school experience thinking I would come out on top of the whole senior class and somehow attract a nice Chinese boy to please my father and finally become worthy by doing so. Unlike my younger siblings who he adored, I always found myself taking a backseat in his life while they rode shot gun comfortably. He always told me that my allegations weren't true, the ones where he loved my siblings more because they were full Chinese and I wasn't. He spent my whole life denying it but deep down, he knew it was true. He just couldn't come to terms with the fact of it all. Nearly twenty years ago, my newly immigrated twenty year old father met the woman I call my mother. They had a six month love affair that led to me. But their relationship didn't last longer than 14 months, my mom left when I was two months old. Ever since then, I think my father has resented me. I reminded him of her. It didn't help that genetically I looked more Caucasian than I did Chinese. Under all the hate and self pity he was buried under, my father was a racist. I don't hate him or the resentment I grew up around. I hate myself for trying to find approval from a man that didn't deserve it or me. In fact, I didn't need approval from anybody but myself. After my final mental break down in that damn town, I packed my shit and mentally prepared to get myself out of there. Greyson on the other hand had been dreaming of this moment since he was fourteen. Leaving the small town where  a narrow minded homophobic community manifested had been on his mind all throughout high school. He even counted down the days till graduation. He needed to get out of there. Every second spent in those hallowed halls drove him mad. Mad enough to fake his sexuality so the rumours and speculation would stop. When I moved to Cap May mid semester in freshman year, Greyson found himself slowly seducing the new girl. I fell for his charm and oddly manic depressive behavior. We dated through high school till one night in junior year when Greyson stole hard liquor from his abusive father and us two supposed love birds got hammered. So hammered that mid make out session, Greyson came clean and the words I'm gay slipped out of his mouth faster than my mother slipped out of my life. I was devastated. I naively thought that he loved me. I thought he moved me as much as much as I loved him, but he didn't. I loved him so much that the silent treatment only lasted four days till I realized how selfish my actions were. He needed me and I needed him. All those times Greyson said he loved me, he meant it. Just not in the way I wanted. I got over it though, the heartache went away and before I knew it, it was almost back to the way it was. Our relationship was simply amicable but not to the public eye. Greyson still had his parents and the twin believe he had a girlfriend. He needed to avoid the possible beatings he used to suffer through as a child. So he did. The second after graduation, he stopped hiding behind his heterosexual armor and for lack of a better words, got the hell out of there. Along side myself, we packed the back of a U haul and made our way to New York.

The concrete jungle was everything I imagined. It was filled with high fashioned women wearing shoes that cost the equivalent of my new apartment. Business men with briefcases in one hand with their smartphone in the other. All somehow walking perfectly synchronized with each other without ever making physical contact but never disconnecting their attention away from their phones. It was incredible to watch. After Greyson and I carried (with great difficulty) all of our boxes and things up to our very small yet enthralling apartment, he decided to go out on the town. He said and I quote, "I can be who I am here. Have you seen how open minded and diverse the people here are?" So he went out on his first New York adventure. Most likely to a gay night club but I was happy for him. I truly was.

The time on the clock in the corner read 11:43. I was currently sitting on the extremely uncomfortable couch that came with the apartment. I was struggling to connect to the wifi from the small coffee shop under the apartments but I couldn't figure out the password. I gave up after a good forty five minutes because I knew what was ahead of me tomorrow..my new job. Before relocating to Manhattan, I applied to every damn job on the job market. I managed to get a decent paying job as an assistant to a senior partner at a start up law firm. I genuinely didn't know how I got the job, I wasn't even close to being qualified to be an assistant but yet again, how many qualifications do you need to make coffee runs and file papers? As I shut my laptop and made my way towards my room, I dove onto my mattress which sits on the ground and cuddled into my cold duvet. I lay in bed for a moment, looking at my surroundings . There are boxes on boxes all around me and my bed frame in pieces in the corner. Everything is so new but I couldn't help but feel at home. This was exactly the fresh new start I was looking for and I couldn't wait to start my new life.

it's short because i suck
unedited because im lazy
im sorry
bye