The Apocalypse (A Parody)

Prologue or Things you need to know or Whatever

Prologue a.k.a  The Back Story

I am a normal teenager. Correction: I was normal till a couple of days ago.

I don’t know about you, but I waited and waited for my eleventh birthday just so that I could see that letter from Hogwarts. Like that happened.  But good things can still happen right? So I waited till I was fifteen for a satyr to turn up and tell me that I was actually a demigod. Yeah, right. Pretty sure I didn't see a dragon egg on my fifteenth birthday. One more year, something good is bound to happen on my sixteenth birthday. That’s what always happens in books. And books reflect life, right?

By the time I was seventeen, I’d given up hope. Nothing had happened to me. I couldn’t put down, “I fought Death Eaters,” as an accomplishment in my college application because a) It never happened and b) They’d just reserve a place for me at the nearest mental asylum.

But there are two things you do not  do to a teenaged, slightly book crazed (okay, maybe not slightly), Romantic (with a capital R) girl. These are not in any guide book on any bookshelf in any part of the world. You won’t ever find a nice, convenient chapter headed, “What Not To Do While Dealing With Teenaged Girls (A 21st Century Crash Course)”, followed by neatly listed, bulleted points. Of course, there’s always Google, but let’s just take a minute here and ask ourselves whether we actually believe that Google has all the answers. (Who am I kidding? Of course it does!)

You do not decide to give her a birthday present a week after her birthday. You do not, I repeat do not, casually tell her that “Oh, hello. Your destiny is to cause the Apocalypse that will be responsible for the death of everyone you know (excluding you and everyone you hate).  Happy Birthday!!!”

And I’m not talking about the oh-my-God-they-just-cancelled-the-next-season-of-Supernatural-what-are-we-going-to-do kind of Apocalypse. I’m talking about the world-goes-BOOM!!!-civilisation-is-destroyed kind of Apocalypse.

So apparently all you need for an Apocalypse is some sugar, some spice, everything nice and the mysterious chemical X. Not really, although it would be epic if the Powerpuff girls were responsible for it. All one needs is a girl who prefer it if you left her alone with her books, a gigantic black dog  (read hellhound) that will follow her to hell and back, the rather irritating spirit of a star and two guys, one intent on starting the apocalypse and the other on stopping it. 

Easy Plan for Starting an Apocalypse: Choose victim. Destroy victim's social life. Get her to press the big red button labelled "DO NOT TOUCH. WARNING: BEGINS APOCALYPSE," out of sheer frustration. Sit back, relax, and eat popcorn as the world ends in front of your eyes.

But that’s not exactly the way it happened….