Dan Howell looked up at the ceiling. It was in the middle of the night, but he couldn't sleep. His friend, Phil Lester, obviously could; he was snoring like always.
Dan rubbed his hands over his face. He didn't know how long he could go on like this, before it would go terribly wrong. Before he'd hurt someone. He didn't want to think of that particular person he would never forgive himself for if something happened to him, although it was very difficult not to think of someone who was snoring right beside you.
Dan pushed Phil against the wall. Phil looked at him, confused. "Please, Dan," he said, "don't do this."
"I don't have a choice, Phil!" Dan screamed. "It's killing me!" Dan's eyes turned completely black and he stabbed Phil with the knife he was holding.
Then, Dan woke up.
Phil was making breakfast in the kitchen when he heard Dan sobbing. He walked into their bedroom and saw Dan sitting in bed, crying.
He seated himself next to Dan and rubbed over his shoulder. "What's wrong?" he asked.
Dan wiped away the tears from his cheeks before answering. "Just a bad dream," he said.
Phil looked at him doubtfully. "I think this is a little more than 'just a bad dream', Dan. You know you can tell me anything."
"I had a dream about... me... killing you," Dan said. He felt too ashamed to look at his friend. Phil wrapped his arms around Dan and kissed his cheek. "It was just a dream," he said, but Dan knew it wasn't.
Dan didn't feel like himself the next days. He felt the feeling inside him getting worse and worse every day, but the worst thing was that he didn't know what to do about it.
Phil noticed Dan wasn't really okay, but he had no idea of what was going on inside of his friend. "You know what we're going to do tonight, Dan?" Phil said on a wednesday evening while he looked at Dan who hadn't come out of bed all day. "We're going out. It'll do you good," Phil continued. He pulled away the blankets, and a wild Dan appeared.
"But Phil," Dan mumbled, "I don't want to."
"Yes, Dan, you want to." Phil pulled Dan out of bed, but they both fell on the floor, Phil on top of Dan. "Look, I don't know what's wrong with you," Phil said, sitting on top of Dan, "but this is no normal behaviour. It's time you pick up your social life. Meet people... and stuff."
"Phil, I never had a social life."
"Doesn't matter. Now get out of bed and take a shower; you smell. Like, really bad."
It was 5AM when they returned to their apartment. Dan was completely drunk, while Phil had remained sober, so he could take care of Dan.
"What is this place?" Dan asked while he stumbled over the carpet.
"It's our apartment, Dan. We live here," Phil responded. "Now go to bed and sleep a bit."
Dan looked around like he'd never seen their apartment before.
"I'm serious, Dan. Go to bed," Phil repeated. "You really made a mess tonight."
Dan disappeared under the blankets in their bed and asked: "Can you tuck me in?"
Phil did and crawled next to Dan in bed. He gave Dan a kiss and whispered: "Goodnight, Dan", but Dan kissed back. It was the beginning of another wild night...
"Ugh...," Dan said when he woke up seven hours later. "Headache..."
Phil, who was in the kitchen, noticed Dan was awake. "Shall I make you some breakfast?" he asked.
Dan sat up straight in bed and said: "Can I trust you in the kitchen?"
Phil laughed. "No, probably not."
Dan had to laugh too. "You're like Dil Howlter, Phil. Either you break the dishes or you ruin the food."
A few minutes later Phil returned to their bedroom with two bowls of cereal.
"I should've known," Dan said when he saw the bowls, "Never trust Phil in the kitchen."
They both sat in bed and ate their breakfast in silence for a few minutes, until Dan put down his bowl of cereal.
"You don't mean that," Phil said, looking at Dan's half-eaten bowl of cereal. "It's made with love, Dan."
"It's not the cereal, Phil," Dan said. "I have to tell you something." Dan sighed and a tear rolled over his cheek. "I don't know what's happening to me, Phil. I feel like a psycho... And I have this urge... this urge to kill someone so much," Dan sobbed.
Phil looked uncomfortable. "I know, Dan... You made a video about that, remember?"
"You don't understand, Phil! This is different." Dan closed his eyes for a second and opened them. His eyes had turned completely black; not only his iris, but also his sclera.
Phil almost fell out of bed while he flinched, away from Dan, whose eyes had turned to normal again.
"I don't want this, Phil. I didn't choose for this. It just... it just feels like my inner demons are coming out..."
Phil walked over to Dan, still terrified, but also wanting to help his friend, and hugged him. Dan was still sobbing. "I don't want to kill you, but I'm afraid I will. I just want this to go away." He looked at Phil with his dark watery eyes.
"It will all be alright," Phil said and kissed Dan on his cheek.
"I love you, Phil," Dan said while he was still crying and hugged Phil even tighter.
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FanfictionDan Howell doesn't know what's happening to him: he feels an urge inside, an urge to kill, and one day he kills the person he can't live without. But is Phil really dead?