My Mentor *Completed*

Twenty-Eight. Alone In Bed

(A/N - So guess what I just did!!!  I just completed writing this story.  So I'll now focus on writing 'Back Then'.  Looks like it will come a lot sooner than December!  Also...this story is #57 in FanFiction.  I can't you all enough for that!!  I am so appreciative of all the votes and comments!  Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!  Anyway, enjoy this chapter darlings!!  xx  )

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Relief was what I was feeling.  Relief that everything with Jamie was completely over.  Relief that last night I was voted through for another week.  Finally, relief that my sickness has been lifted from my body and I was feeling much better.

Sadness also plagued me.  Sadness for Jamie and the demons he has to fight to get better.  Sadness for Ryan since he received the lowest votes and was sent home.  Finally, sadness for Harry and my relationship because he hasn’t acknowledged me since Saturday night. 

After the incident with Jamie, Louis was able to distract people so that Harry and I could have a few minutes alone.  We found ourselves standing in some small supply closet type thing and he held me closely.  He pulled away and looked into my eyes.  I leaned up to place my lips on his but he turned away.

I asked him what was wrong and asked why he turned away from my kiss.  He was silent for a while and when I asked him again he removed himself from my arms.  He finally began speaking and I couldn’t believe what he was saying.  He was actually angry at me.  He was upset that Jamie was calling me babe and baby.  He was upset that I pulled away from him to go talk to Jamie.  He was very upset that I was holding Jamie and wiped tears from his face and he was pissed that Jamie kissed me.  Twice.

I tried to explain to him that it was the closure and goodbye that I needed and regardless of what Jamie did to me, there were parts of him that I still cared for and wanted the best for him.  I tried to convince him that when Jamie kissed me, I felt nothing nor did I even move my lips against his and I pushed him away from my lips.  Harry just wasn’t having it.  He wouldn’t listen and he was just getting more and more upset with me each second that passed and with each explanation that I gave.

I decided it was best to stop the conversation and give him time or whatever he needed to cool down and try to see things from my perspective.  I said goodbye and I left him standing in the closet.  I passed Louis on the way, hugged him and said that his best friend needed him.  He could tell something was wrong from my facial expression and didn’t hesitate to join Harry in the room.

It is a somber mood in our room this morning.  Zayn, Liam and I are moping around a bit.  Ryan leaving was a shock to us and we all shed a few tears as we hugged him goodbye.  Right after I completed my video diary, which I am sure the fans will be able to tell I was very much upset, I went back into our room and curled up into a ball in my bed.

The boys knew I had a rough few days.  I told them about what happened with Jamie but I left out the part where Harry is upset with me.  Did I really do something wrong?  Was it wrong for me to want the closer I was seeking?  Was it wrong for me to hug the man that I once loved?  The man who was my first boyfriend.  The man who was my first time.  Was it wrong for me to provide Jamie with some comfort before being sent to jail?  I did not kiss him.  He kissed me and I pulled away the first time and the second kiss was too quick for me to begin to pull away but I would have pulled away from that one too.

I brushed my fingers across my lips.  The last kiss that was placed on them was from Jamie and it shouldn’t be that way.  I want Harry’s lips on mine.  I want the memory of Harry’s lips grazing and pressing onto mine; not Jamie’s.  I’ll have to face him in just over an hour and all that I will be thinking is about his lips.  How will I even be able to concentrate while talking with him about picking a song?