Breaking Point

3

Chapter Three

Sometimes, when people learned that my dad was in a coma, hooked up to a monitor and had tubes stuck into his arms and face, they would look at me with pity. I didn't mind; I thought it was pretty pitiful, sitting there telling a stranger that your dad was in a coma anyway, but what I couldn't handle was when they smiled tightly and said: "I'm sorry."

It didn't make sense to me, why they would be sorry. It wasn't their fault. It was mine. I should be sorry. And I was. The guilt crawled up my spine and impaled itself in the back of my head everyday right after I woke up and blinked back the sleep from my eyes and it would all come rushing back to me, everything fresh again, as I stared up at the ceiling and let it claw at my insides for the rest of the day.

I would nod at them, these overly sympathetic people, who were "there" for me, but not really because they had to go to their son's soccer game the next day in between forgetting my name and buying coffee and a donut for brunch. But they insist that I can talk to them and I insist that I'm fine when really I'm not but I would rather walk on nails than share my feelings because no one understood and no one would ever understand because I was too guilty and pathetic to explain any of it.

Instead I convinced myself that I'm fine and for the most part, I am. As much as I could be, considering the situation and the situation is that I am basically the reason my dad is in a coma but I tried not to think about it.

"Hellooo." A voice brought me back to the world of the living. I blinked to Nadia waving a manicured hand in front of me face. "Are you in there?"

In the front of the class, I see my teacher look up from her phone and scowl in our general direction. I wait for her to go back to furiously texting -- most likely her ex whom she frequently complains about because the poor soul accidentally forgot her birthday and now he was sending her roses and chocolate while she sent him mixed signals.

"Sorry." I apologised. "I was thinking."

"Don't hurt yourself."

"Ha ha." I rolled my eyes, before turning to her. "Did you need something?"

"Today I heard something interesting." Nadia grinned.

I tried to keep my face indifferent upon hearing this. I wasn't deaf to the rumours being distributed about me, especially after that confrontation with Cody or Cade or whatever his name was. The school was a giant pot and the students dumped crap into is and stirred it by spreading it around the entire building. ("What news of the outside world?", asks Frodo, "tell me everything!" Gandalf stares into the distance."The world is shit," he says, solemnly.)

"I heard..." Nadia was saying, pausing for some kind of dramatic effect that was working because I was nearly on the edge of my seat. "...that Hailey Brown kinda likes you."

I blinked. Who?

"Oh my God," My sister interrupted, "I heard that too, like a week ago. I thought it was the stupidest thing ever. Like who would like you?"

"I feel so loved." I said, sarcastically.

"She's obviously blind." Salma went on, ignoring me.

"Poor girl." Nadia shook her head dramatically, eyes closed. "She can do better."

"Aw, are you jealous?" I teased.

"Don't make me laugh."

"Don't worry," I fluttered my eyelashes at her. "You're the only one for me."

"Gross!" Nadia laughed and I resisted the urge to close my eyes and let the sound overtake me.

We fell silent as the teacher walked by, scanning out assignments which we sort of started to make it look like we were working. In reality, we were mostly goofing off and occasionally passing snacks whenever the teacher wasn't looking. I loved the easy mood this class in this room and I wished every class could be the same. Maybe it was just because of Nadia. Whenever I was near her it was like everything inside me became calm.