Breaking Point

12

Chapter 12 - Trigger warning. Mention of rape/self harm

I was silent, when I get home that evening, dropping my backpack on the ground. I was silent when I staggered up to my room, sluggishly making my way up the stairs, my eyes fixed on nothing. Everything was a blur in front of me, I can't make out anything, but I recognised the shapes, the colors, as my hands reached for the doorknob. I was silent as I pushed my bedroom door open and stood in the middle of my room, staring.

I couldn't even hear anything, I was that lost. My throat was tight, like my body refused to allow in air, my hands were stiff and cold as they hung limply by my sides. I stood in front of my window, gazing out at the sky, so far away and free and bright and empty. I wanted to reach out like Nadia did that rainy day and hold that sky, that faraway sky, and let it shed tears on my open palms.

But then, I saw Nadia dropping to the ground, hugging herself. I no longer saw the sky, so white and empty. I saw blood dripping down arms, and fingers digging into skin and knifes painted with scarlet.

I cried.

-

My throat was sore when I walked into my sister's room, knocking lightly. The door was open and I saw Salma sitting on her bed, legs crossed, biting her lip and staring off into space. Her room was unusually messy and there were a dozen cups and dishes littering her bedside table. Her desk was the only clean space in the room, looking lonely and unused. Clothes were strewn about, crumpled, designer brands left to gather dust on her carpet. I paused for a moment, puzzled over the uncharacteristically messy state of her room.

She had been absent during that art class, and suddenly I felt a burst of anger and annoyance. She should have been there, for Nadia. She should have been there with me, as I helped Nadia to the nurse's office and sat there with her while she sniffled back sobs, pushing me away every time I tried to reach out to offer comfort.

I knew now why roses had thorns. Nadia was like a rose, beautiful and enchanting. But like a rose's thorns prick those who hold it, Nadia wouldn't let me help her. She had always been unimaginably distant, always closed off and hiding behind humor, never letting anyone see into her depths. Some may have thought she was unbelievably shallow, but now I realised how thought out her mask had been, how well disguised she'd kept herself aloof and untouchable.

Those thorns were protection.

"Where were you?" My voice was hoarse.

Salma jumped out of her trance, alarmed. The first thing out of her mouth was:"Is Nadia okay?"

"I said, where were you?" I growled.

"I was..." Salma trailed off, looking guilty. "I didn't want to go..."

"Salma," I said, sighing. "I know the last thing you want to do is go to school, but skipping isn't going to help. I get it. But can-"

"Do you?" She interrupted.

"What?"

"Do you get it, Abdullah?" She asked again, louder, voice cracking. "Because it looks like you don't care. You act like everything's okay. God, you do your homework and watch T.V and nothing bothers you and act like dad is still...."

"What do you want me to do?" I said, slowly, her accusation burning me. "Freak out? Go out and party? Drink?"

She stared, and slowly her eyes widened, the implication of my words setting in. Instantly, I wanted to take back my accusation at her broken expression, I wanted to snatch back my words and shove them back into my throat but it's too late. She slumped, slowly, heavily and averted her eyes.