phan oneshots

"i promise" (fluff/angst)

 "I love you," he whispered softly into my ear, sending chills from my neck all the way down to my feet, before planting a firm kiss on the side of my face. The kiss created a sensation like a million firecrackers being set off in my chest and a ridiculous grin spread across my face.

He kissed me again, closer to my mouth this time, his warm lips pressed onto the corner of mine gently. His lips met with my smile and I greeted him, kissing back. I could feel a smile appear on his lips as our mouths danced with each other to the beat of our pounding hearts.

"I love you too," I breathed as he pecked with his soft lips at my neck. I wish we could stay this way forever, just he and I, together. But I knew, like all other great things, it had to come to an end eventually.

Knowing his mouth was changing the colour of my skin, creating a deep purple mark on my body, I allowed him to continue to kiss my neck. I moaned, enjoying this- enjoying us.

He pulled away from me and took hold of my face in his large hands, I frowned slightly, then bit my lip.

"Why?" I questioned, plainly.

"You know why, love," he told me, and I did know why. As much as I hated it, I knew why.

Phil and I were stars of sorts. Famous, I guess you could say. But us publicly being together would completely ruin our careers, or so our managers said.

It's not like people didn't already suspect it; there were literally thousands, maybe millions of people that wished for us to be together. But because of that goddamned contract we signed years ago, we had to hide our relationship, our happiness and our true selves.

Of course there were times when we'd thought about just coming out and telling everyone but we knew it couldn't end well. We did this to help people and revealing our relationship could ruin all of that and leave millions of people in despair, so we stayed quiet.

"I wish it didn't have to be like this," I practically whined, pouting my lip. Phil, hands still on either side of my face, pulled me closer, sucking at my extended lip. I smiled as a single, salty tear rolled down my cheek, leaving behind a thin trail.

"I know, babe," he said after pulling away, "me too." I wrapped my arms around his neck, comfortably nuzzling my face into his chest. I breathed in his pleasant smell and sighed, ah. He soon followed, enveloping me in an embrace.

After minutes of just laying there, cuddling together, I released my grip on him, knowing he needed to leave. He stood before me and pulled on his black jeans and gray fox printed jumper.

I missed it already, missed having his body and lips pressed to mine, missed his love and closeness. I missed him.

Leaning back down to kiss me, he repeated, "I love you," this time adding, "Daniel."

"I love you too, Philip," I replied. "Promise me you'll come back in as soon as you wake up tomorrow?"

"I promise," he stated with a smile, turning to leave my hotel room. I listened as his feet plodded lazily across the brown carpet flooring before the door creaked open then shut. I waited for the sound of his key-card sliding through the slot and his door opening and shutting before closing my eyes, I wanted to know that Phil had made it next door safely, no matter how little distance there was between us physically- mentally, it felt like a galaxy.

-----

I inhaled the crisp November air, walking down the empty street. I peeked at the screen of my phone: 3:32 AM. Stepping onto the bridge, under the streetlamp, a soft breeze blew into my face, cooling me down.

I missed him. I missed him with an aching pain- a longing, deep within myself. I could walk back to the hotel and go see him. I could walk into his room and tousle his brown fringe out of place and peck at his pink lips and pale skin. Just thinking of him, my heart ached and yearned.

I stared down at my hands. Long, white fingers yellow under the glow of the streetlamp. Minuscule lines ran across my palms. As my eyes jumped from my right hand to my left, something dripped onto my left hand: a drop of clear liquid.

Shaking my head, I wiped at my damp cheeks and slid my hands along my thighs, drying them.

I turned back in the direction of the hotel and started walking, attempting to clear my mind, inhaling deeply.

-----

A blast of a siren screams at me to wake up. Looking to the window, red and blue light shocks my eyes, along with the sunlight now streaming in the window like a river of whiteness.

Someone knocks on the door of my hotel room and I groan, throwing off the white duvet. Instinctively, I sit up and reach for my cell phone: 7:56 AM. 11 MISSED CALLS. I automatically text Phil: Good morning, my love.

The door rattles again. "Daniel Howell," the person on the other side says in a deep, strong voice.

"Coming," I croak, standing up and stumbling to the door. I peer through the fish-eyed peephole and my eyes meet the face of a stern man in his forties. As my eyes trail downward, I notice his police uniform. I tear the door open immediately.

"Hello, are you Daniel Howell?" The man stares me down and I stare right back at him. Though his face appears calm, with enough concentration, I notice a certain sadness in his eyes.

"Yes... I am," I reply, tiredly rubbing my eyes.

His eyes grow even sadder, "Mr. Howell-"

"What is it?" I demand, beginning to panic.

"Your friend, Philip Lester, he..."

"He what? What happened to Phil? Is he alright?"

"Philip had an accident last night. Daniel, I'm sorry to inform you that, despite the paramedics efforts, they could not save Philip's life."

My heart stops and drops into my stomach. I want to scream but the words are blocking up in my throat.

"I'm sorry for your loss, Daniel."

I break. "No, no, no. No!"

"Now, you'll have to come down to the morgue and identify his body; he had no identification with him."

"No!" I scream. "He promised... He-he promised... He said he loved me and he promised he'd come back as soon as he woke up but he... He'll never wake up, he'll never... He'll never come back..."

"I'm sorry for your loss, Daniel."

"No," I snap and my tears dry up like a desert and white hot rage replaces them, "You are not sorry. You are not sorry." I point my finger at him, pressing it into his chest. "You aren't sorry, so don't tell me that you're sorry for my loss, because you're not."

"Daniel-"

"I loved Phil. I was in love with Philip Michael Lester and now he's dead." I spit the last word out like it tastes sour. "Last night, before he left my room and went to his, he told me he loved me and I got him to promise me that he would come back to me as soon as he woke up and he promised, he fucking promised. I will never see him again. We will never tell our families and friends and our subscribers. We will never get married and buy a house and have a family. There is no we, not anymore, no Philip Michael Lester. There is only an I, a broken I, Daniel James Howell... He promised."

word count: 1291 

AN: this is the first update i've made in a long time and it took me ages to write so i'm hoping you like it. don't forget to vote and comment and ideas if you like this oneshot! :)