Mad World

chapter 1:

"Jessica! Come on its time to get to work!" My mom calls me from downstairs which causes me to stop doing my makeup. I had just finished anyway so I race downstairs to the living room where she waits.

"Hi mom." I smile sitting next to her. She returns my smile though and grabs the textbook next to her. It was a morning routine, I get ready and go down the stairs (it always took me a while) and sit next to her so we can get to my school work. Today felt weird in a way but I was unsure why.

"Mom, do you mind if I get something to eat before we start?" I usually wasn't very hungry in the mornings so it was weird I was today. She nods of course just as my younger twin sisters run in chasing and giggling as they play. They were insane like me and I guess that's why I got along well with them.

I was about 5'4 and I was 20. I was blonde before I needed to be homeschooled, before Dad left, before everything went wrong. "What station do you want to listen to today Jessie?" Mom calls. I didn't like that I always had to learn at home sure, but my mom always had music playing so I could sing while doing my work because I've always loved to sing.

"What do you think?" She realizes because a second later I hear the song Same Mistakes blast threw the speakers of the iHome. I smile in thanks to her as my older brother Craig groans in annoyance.

I grab my cinnamon pop tart and head out to the makeshift classroom I am so used to.

___________________________

Class goes by as boring as always but as soon as it ends the door rings and Kim steps into the house. She practically lived here so that was normal for her. We run to my room as my mom smiles at us talking in each other's ears nonstop the way up.

Kim had long blonde hair and the bluest eyes you could have ever seen and was very skinny and tall. She was most guys definition of the perfect girl which is why Danny noticed her out of all his fans I suppose. They were so cute together and a lot of fans thought so as well.

She talks to me nonstop of how fun it was to go bowling with Danny last night because they were able to just be alone and happy.

"How are you feeling today?" It was a question she always asked out of pure habit.

"Eh, not as good as always. It's a painful day is all." I sigh as she nods sadly in understanding.

You see, I never mentioned why I said my hair was blonde before everything else. There is a reason why I said before, and why my dad left, and why I was homeschooled. There is a reason why it takes me a while to get down the freaking stairs and a reason I wasn't always very hungry.

2 years ago, while I was 18, I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. It costed me losing my thyroid and it also spread to my lungs. Then a year ago, I was also diagnosed with brain cancer once my thyroid cancer had finally seemed to clear. Both my lungs and brain are now under attack from the cancer cells. I had an oxygen cart that I never mentioned to help my breathing.

I quickly unlock my phone as the Talia Joy screensaver. She was my role model with all she went threw plus I was thrusted into her position as well. Kim would never say it aloud but I can see in her eyes she is forever worried to loose me one day which will happen eventually.

I accepted a while ago to accept that though. I like to be involved with cancer stuff because I know just how it does feel. It's why I loved Talia's videos, the Fault in Our Stars, my mom's job, and selling things for cancer research. I always took the chance to give back if possible.

Anyway, back to my friend Kim, her eyes were always filled with great sorrow or brilliant worry over the fact that I won't be alive for that long. At this point, only a miracle could save my life and I gave up on Christ a long time ago.

What made me most annoyed out of my cancer is not that I would die, or the worry I cause people; but the things I have made happen. I know I couldn't prevent the cancer and it wasn't my fault but there was never ending guilt in my tumor invested body that it was my fault. For example, it was the pressure my cancer put on my father that made him leave but I felt as though it was my fault.

It's amazing My mom had a good job or she would be unable to support Shannon, Nikki, Sean, Craig, Liam and I. There were perks to cancer sure, not having to worry about doing your hair all perfect if your chemo made you bald, people not putting too much pressure on you for assignments and being lenient, but like all good things, there are bad.

You're so sick you need help to use stairs, tumors put pressure on your organs which is extremely painful, and if you were as lucky as me; coughing up blood a lot. Oh the joy everyone!

Kim snaps me out of my thoughts by playing Florence and the Machine radio on pandora.

"How was class today for you?"

"It was class, so boring as always. That's nothing new."

"True but at least you're able to listen to music. The teachers in school never let us except mrs. G so we can get into our 'art zone'" she replies with a laugh. I was in collage but she was a senior in high school due to a concussion she had (and her being a year younger anyway.) I remembered mrs. G alright. She was very sweet and I had art club each year I was in school until the middle of senior year when I was diagnosed with the cancer.

Mr. Gro and her were the first teachers I told having made the best connection with them. Mr. Gro was sort of at a lose for words. I was never as close to a teacher as I was for him and he sort of sat awkwardly in his chair.

-flashback-

"You, you have what?" All I hear is total and utter shock to his voice. Mrs. W looks over to me when I tell Gro. I told them right after class not wanting the class to hear. It was a Wednesday and Friday was my last day.

"So basically we have 2 more classes before we won't see you anymore."

"You act like I won't visit you guys. Of course I will see you, but not so often.." I really would miss them.

"Jess, I'll write you a pass to your next class stay here and talk for a while, I have to know about what's happening."

-end of flashback-

I sat there all period discussing things with him about my cancer and he let my eighth period teacher know I had to go to the auditorium and talk with him some more as a substitute took his place last period.

It was weird to talk to a teacher for so long. At one point, we were just goofing off to let my emotions over my diagnoses drift away. I went on stage and quote Romeo and Juliet a little too overly dramatic. That day was the most amazing school day to me in my entire life.

I told Mrs. G in art club the next day and other kids must have overheard and soon the entire school knew I had school and tomorrow was my last day. Each teacher who had me seemed more upset over the fact that I had to go and I got well wishes from everyone, even people who I'd never met or were mean to me at one point.

It was a shame to them that in a school were there were so little students, one had to leave to be homeschooled...