dream of being loved or being hated

searching for love

now i use both what happens in reality and my dreams to create my short stories. some parts are very realistic in the beginning. but then that's where my mind takes over. it can't accept reality how it is. my reality is too sad. my imagination takes over and tricks me into being happy. my insanity keeps me alive. if i wasn't insane... i would already be dead

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i know. this is complete insanity. i fell in love with a boy i just met.

it was in orchestra. i saw him on the floor with his instrument in its case. i quietly walked over. i placed my clarinet one the floor and started to take it out of its case. he did the same with his instrument. he played the barry saxophone. he looked over to me and back down. 

i know. it was nothing. but just that made me melt. but like everything else it was nothing. I'm nothing. i was the nothing. but why was i getting all giddy over this?

"hi" i smiled at him and he looked over to me again. "what's your name?".

he blushed. he told me his name. he seemed so embarrassed. he seemed unsure of himself. he had an old fashion Portuguese name. i personally liked it. he said it with such an adorable accent too.

i could feel my face light up. i repeated the name back to him. i said it in the same accent he did. i was a custom to the adorable tone.

"yeah... exactly." he smiled and let a husky giggle out.

and that was it. i just stood up, picked up my clarinet and walked to my assigned seat.

but just that simple question and answer. i was hooked. he was like a drug. my drug. what got me out of my depression and into my high. and like an addict i needed him for my survival. i need him in my life. just that short conversation and i was in love.

yes i know. I'm crazy. I'm insane. a freak. i shouldn't be falling in love so easily. but i did. it was wrong.

yes he was cute. he was hot. but not only that. i felt like i already knew him. that we met before. i felt that are lives had so much in common. but in reality i had only been in his for 20 meaningless seconds. my soul needed his though.

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I'm running. faster. faster. faster and faster.

I'm late. there was urgency. why was i late? what am i late for?

my clarinet is in my hands. I'm dressed in uniform. i realize its the orchestra's concert tour. we had to get on the bus. i knew who i wanted to sit next to.

all of the buses are in the field. 10 of them. 8 more then what was needed. why were there so many buses though? i realized that the orchestra was 10 times larger then normal.

mobs of kids were getting on the buses. so many instruments. u couldn't move fast or they could bump and break. i didn't see him. every one was on the bus but me. i had to hurry.

i started running around the buses. glancing at every window looking to see what bus he was in. it seemed easy at first. how could u miss such a handsome face?

finally there was one bus i didn't check. engines of buses started to rev up. they slowly started to move. they then moved faster. the only bus i didn't check was at the bottom of the hill.

i ran. it was like i couldn't move fast enough. i didn't want to trip down the steep hill. my clarinet case started to clack with every step i took. the engines of the last bus started up.

i finally made it on the bus. all out of breath i walked up onto the bus. the bus monitor marked me on her list. and i made my way to a seat.

it was weird. there was only two other students on the bus. one was a girl. i met her before. we are not to found of each other. she gave me a nasty smirk as i walked down the asial.

there he was. laying down on the bus seat. i wanted to sit next to him. but because of his laziness there was barely any room. i sat on the little corner of the seat he left opened. i thought he was asleep.

"hey" the girl started with me. "of all the seats on the bus why do u sit there? there is no room for you-" he moaned and she looked over at him. "oh so u like him! how cute. your in loooooove" she snickered mockingly at me.

"no im not!" i quickly responded. "why would i ever lo-"

"what do u mean?" he sat up interrupting me. "i thought we were all good. i though we had something" he said confusingly

where was this coming from? i don't even think he knows my name. did he like me? did he know i liked him?

"come here" he said laying back down rapping his arm around me.

i layed my head on his chest lightly. he held me closer to him. he cuddled me as the bus started to move.

"i love u" he murmured softly kissing my head. he fell asleep again and then.....

it was over