dream of being loved or being hated

feeling better

i wake up with a bright morning light in my face. I'm laying in a bed wrapped up in crisp white sheets. i look around. the room is a baby blue with a small window draped with short white curtains. the counter under the window is covered with flowers and spring colored balloons.

i want to reach for the nearest card on the counter but i couldn't. i could barely pick up my arm. i try to reach again but a metal bar on the bed restricts me from reaching further. my arms gets heavier and heavier to hold up. i look at my arm held up just a bit from reaching the card. i have an IV in my arm. i slowly slide my arm back under the thin sheet wear i can still see the tube sprout out from my bed covers into the fluid bag.

i don't remember why. i don't know what i did wrong or why i was in the hospital. I'm scared to search my body for anything that could tell me why i was there. why i was all alone in a hospital bed. i didn't know whether i was going to live or die.

i drift back off to sleep watching the fluid drip down the tube. i counted the drops until i couldn't count anymore. waiting and wondering if i would be able to ever wake up again.

this time i hear a voice calling for me. i try to focus on what he was saying. i try to open my eyes. i flutter my eyes to see a familiar face kneel by the side of my bed. it is the only person that cares for me. the only person i care about. the person that gives me life.

"babe wake up. please baby wake up i miss u so much." he pauses and gazes into my eyes. i try to speak but I'm mute. the room is silent except for the little voice whimpering below us.

"sweet heart are u okay?" he smiles with his rosy cheeks and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear.

i speak with a raspy voice trying to clear my throat. "yeah I'm fine what happened?"

he stays silent and only smiles at me more. he glances down and back into my eyes.

i find my humour trying to get rid of the awkward feeling i have inside me. "why are you calling me sweat heart, sweet heart. "don't you know how much i love being your baby girl?"

"i know." he smiles even more "but don't u remember what you said about being my baby girl?" he nods his head for me to look down.

in my arms is a little baby wearing pink booties and gloves and a soft pink hat with a clipped on bow.

a tear slips from his eyes as he softly kisses my head.

i whisper to him "i love you so much" he looks back down as i catch and kiss his soft sweet lips. and then...

it was over