roommates ♢ muke ✔️

xxiv

warning : there's about 1000 song references in here

"they call me crybaby," calum admits, watching me shovel ice cream into my mouth. "but i don't fucking care."

"they call me breadstick. i kind of care," i shrug in reply.

calum stares at me for a while; giving me a look of extreme confusion. it's not the first time he gave me that look. we've been sharing facts about ourselves to each other; calum has the look of regret on his face, like he wishes he could take back his offer.

"let's wrap up getting to know each other," calum states.

"i'm good with that," i nod briefly.

my thoughts start drifting to the badlands. my heart still feels numb from the events that took place the night before. i'm still yearning for michael's touch but whenever i think of michael, i think of tyler. the things they could've done together are unimaginable; i would absolutely fall apart if they did anything intimate.

my mind's like a deadly disease.

i wish that i could wake up with amnesia and forget ever meeting michael. my life would filled with a lot less drama, confusion and heartache. but then again, it would also be a lot less meaningful and worth living.

after all, he's my happy little pill.

i couldn't face michael yesterday, i was too much of a wimp. instead, i pleaded with calum and ashton; i asked them if i could stay in their dorm room for just a night. luckily, they agreed.

"let's go on with michael, what's been going on in between you two? and don't worry, i got over him; i won't burst into tears again." calum says embarrassedly, rubbing the back of his neck.

"i don't know, honestly. i mean, we've kissed plenty of times. we've did deeds that god wouldn't approve of many more times. i don't know where i stand in his life, but i always thought that he cared for me." i brush away a stray tear that escaped from my eye.

i'm trying too hard to be strong and as a result, i'm falling to pieces.

"i say, we burn all his art as revenge." calum suggests, his thick eyebrows knitting together.

"i could never do that, you're insane." i reply, frowning slightly.

ruining michael's artwork is simply out of the question. he puts all his time, effort, and emotions into each piece. even having one destroyed will crush him. i can't put michael through that misery.

"well you know what they say. all the best people are crazy," calum smiles manically.

"i never heard anyone say that," i reply dully.

calum smiles at me but even i can tell that he knows that i'm hurting inside.

"you don't need him," calum states randomly. "i can safety pin the pieces of your broken heart back together. you're not a piece of cake for him to just regard, you deserve better. you gotta carry on without him."

"but it's hard. i need him," i whimper, clutching onto my blankets.

it's true. only a day has passed since i've last seen him and i'm already missing his contagious laugh and velvety smooth voice. i had so much difficulty sleeping away from him, i couldn't sleep right without his soft snores and his strong arms cuddling me and keeping me safe throughout the night. everything seems so plain and incomplete without michael around.