America the Mysterious (United States of America #1.5)

Forgive For Me?

America was not looking forward to visiting Japan for the first time in ages.

Reason being? Well, she was also bringing one of her youngest daughters, Kyleen, with her. Now you may be wondering: Why is that a bad thing America? Well, that's because Kyleen is the personification of Hawaii, who was only a four-year-old child when her father had to bomb her against his will in the mid-1940's.

She didn't want to see the guilt in Japan's eyes when he laid eyes on his daughter, but she did promise to visit him.

Now, although Kyleen did not blame her father for the Pearl Harbor bombings, Japan would relent, knowing him. It was already bad enough that he blamed himself for the redundant killings of innocent men, women, and children on that day, and to know that he had unknowingly harmed his own daughter just worsened that self-blame.

However, the latter would be enough to drive any loving parent over the edge.

Still, America promised she would go, but she warned Japan that she was bringing Kyleen along, mostly because the younger girl wished to see her father.

Now, she could only hope this wouldn't end so horribly.

~~~

America smiled as she held a jumpy Kyleen's hand. Japan's home always brought a sense of peace and even reminded her of her own home. Kyleen loved all the plants that surrounded her father's home, and clearly she wanted to explore. Like Japan, America liked simple things, but didn't mind receiving elegant gifts from time to time. Her earlier years as a colony made sure of that.

"Ohiyo, America-san," called Japan, flinching a little when his eyes landed on Kyleen. Kyleen just smiled at her father, completely at ease.

It made America's heart ache.

"Good morning to you as well, Japan," America greeted back. She let go of Kyleen's hand, allowing the little girl to explore throughout the garden. "Stay where I can see you Kyleen!"

"Okay!" Kyleen called back as she explored the area, oblivious to the world around her.

The duo, all while Kyleen played, chatted with each other while sipping some green tea. After seeing her drink, much less enjoy the tea, Japan found himself staring at America in bewilderment. Said woman, upon noticing, giggled.

"I need variety in my life Japan, what do you expect?" she asked with another chuckle. Japan blushed and returned his attention to his own steaming cup.

America watched Japan for a long while, seeing him glance from time to time at their daughter, who was still exploring the gardens around her father's home. Self-blame flashed through his eyes, and America's heart lurched. She needed the older nation to see that he wasn't at fault, even if it meant taking a long time.

"Japan," America called, receiving no response. "Kiku."

Finally the man opposite her looked in her direction.

"This needs to stop," she said.

"What needs to stop?" Japan asked.

"You need to stop blaming yourself for Pearl Harbor. I know you enough to know that you didn't want to go through with the mission, and Kyleen knows that too. Why do you think she never looks at you with contempt or even fear?"

Japan's bangs hid his eyes, but America could feel all the emotions rolling off him. "It's so hard," he admitted shamefully. "My boss wanted me to go arong with it, and I didn't..." Japan unleashed a sob at this point. "I didn't want to hurt my own nakama. Now...I rearized I didn't just hurt you and your people, but arso my own daughter. How can I not brame myserf for that?"

America stared at Japan with a sad expression, more than understanding how he felt. If a loving parent hurt their own child, they would never forgive themselves, and it was a feeling that America knew too well when she couldn't protect her children from the world. However, she had to bring herself to forgive herself, because guilt was like a virus, eating you from the inside out, especially if you allow it.

She didn't want that to happen to Japan.

So, she told him all the pain and sadness her children had to go through with her, from the Revolutionary War, where they were terrified twenty-four-seven that their mother would never come back.

The War of 1812, where many of her children suffered either physically, psychologically, or spiritally, and where they saw the horror that was England and Canada.

The splitting of the U.S., knowing their bosses were inflicting pain upon their mother, and a conflict that led to the Civil War.

The World Wars, where their mother only fought in because she wanted to keep her children safe. America admitted that in those two wars, she didn't join to help the other nations, but to protect her children from harm, but she didn't blame Japan because he was under orders from his cruel boss.

"Japan, I know you don't want to forgive yourself," America began, "but please, can you try to for Kyleen? She needs her father, and I know you need her just as much. My children have been growing up without a father in their lives, and while I don't trust the other nations, I trust you, and I know you would never harm Kyleen on purpose. Can you do that for me? For Kyleen?"

Japan looked conflicted. First he was reluctant, but America also knew he couldn't deny how much he wanted to be in Kyleen's life. What America asked is never an easy question, and it was hard for Japan to answer, but he wanted to so badly. Finally, he looked back up at America, the mother of his child, and nodded.

America smiled at him. "Thank you."