Worthless ✧ s.m

Chapter 17

I shift and turn trying to sleep. Nothing's working. I can't stop thinking about Shawn and the conflict that we both had earlier today. I keep replaying everything he said to me, and how his beautiful brown eyes started to water when I told him off. Everything he does, says to me, it will always find a way to have an impact on me. Emotionally and mentally. I need to find a way to stop thinking about Shawn, but not right now. I just can't. I can't focus on anything but him, and it's honestly so frustrating.

"Psst Mia." I whisper. She doesn't reply.

"Psst Mia." I repeat this time a little bit louder.

"What?" She groans.

"Were you sleeping?" I ask.

"Really?" She sighs and move around the bed.

"Is it Shawn?" She asks. Of course it's Shawn. Who else would it be? My life now basically revolves around Shawn and only Shawn.

"It's just, ugh, I don't know." I replied obviously feeling stupid about everything. My mind feels as blank as my heart and I have no idea what to say or think. She shuffles around in the bed and turns on the lamp on the night stand. Looking towards her I glance at the alarm, 12:56am. She lays up and sits criss-cross and I do the same.

"Tell me what's on your mind." Is all I hear when I sit next to her. My eyes start to get watery and she notices. She pulls me closer to her and I rest my head on her shoulder, letting my tears slowly drip.

•••

The alarm started to ring and we were both woken up by it. We didn't really get much sleep last night since we stayed up until about 4 in the morning. It actually felt nice having someone to talk to about all of this. This is the kind of moment when I wish I had a mother to talk to. My father told me that she died giving birth to me, so I never really had a chance to meet her.

"Here are some clothes that I picked out so you can wear today." Mia startles me and places the clothes on the nightstand. I go inside the bathroom to change and brush my teeth with a toothbrush that Mia let me borrow. Once I was done I untangled my hair and put it up in a ponytail.

Looking at myself from the mirror I gasp from my own complexion. I didn't really notice how I looked until now. My eyes, they were bloodshot red. My cheeks, were still a light pink-ish shade and my nose was red as well. I didn't realized I looked this awful. This is what he did to me, this is the pain he's putting me through. This pain feels way worse than anything that my father has ever done to me. My father. After the whole thing happened I haven't heard a word from him and honestly, i'm glad.

After splashing some cold water on my face I walk outside the bathroom and look for Mia. She's not in her room so I decide to go downstairs to try and find her.

"Mia?"

"Yeah?!" I hear her shout from the other side of the house. Following her voice I find her in the kitchen making breakfast.

"I'm making breakfast for us! It's going to be great!" She says obviously proud of what she's accomplishing.

"Oh, really?" I lift one eyebrow. "Well you're burning the toast." I point over to the toaster and her eyes widened.

"Oh shit." She rushed over to it. I start to laugh at her reaction,

"I'm kidding, i'm kidding." I say still laughing. It actually feels kind of nice to laugh.

"I'm going to honestly shoot you one day." She remarks looking back at me.

"Yeah well, can't wait." I give her a smile and she rolls her eyes, smiling as well.

Once we finished eating breakfast, which I must admit it was really good, we grabbed everything that we needed and headed off to school.

•••

Walking through the school doors my anxiety starts to get the best of me once again. My mind kept wandering about Shawn and how awkward it would be for both of us. I go over to my locker and grab my textbook to go to first period.

"Remember, don't let him get to you." She tells me giving me a weak smile and I nod.

"I'll talk to you later, Jess." She waves as she walks away.

"Bye, Mia." I let out as I sigh. Walking over to first period I just remembered that I have class with both Shawn and Skyler. I mentally slap myself for forgetting this vital information and now I feel even more anxious. Maybe I should just skip first period? Yeah, that's not a bad idea.. No, no. I don't care what they have to say. I'm going to class and they're going to like it.

As I walk inside the classroom I stare directly at the floor to make no eye contact whatsoever. Once I've reached my desk I look up and felt like I've just been hit by a bus.