The Definition of Me

Chapter 12: Surprise on Floor N. 98

"...And where are Gemma and your mom?" Eva chattered with me on the phone. 

"They are already asleep," I whispered, laying my eyes on the door and hoping they wouldn't hear me talking. 

"It's a bit early, don't you think?" She sounded a bit surprised, so I turned my head to look at the clock and checked the time. 11.54pm

"Early? It's almost midnight, Ev."

 I heard the ticking noise of the watch as I laid in my bed, already cuddled up in a blanket and ready to fall into a deep, much-needed sleep. None of the windows were open, but it felt quite chilly in my room, so before laying down, I lit all the candles I could find around my room and wore my oversized, grey hoodie instead of my pyjamas to bed. 

"Have we really been talking for two and a half hours?" She was even more surprised by that factor, and that made me think about the mobile bill that I will get in the post at the end of the month. 

Friendship is expensive.
I giggled to myself.

"It's crazy..." I yawned, covering my mouth with my right hand. 

"Alright, sleepy head, you need to go to bed now." I could picture her rolling her eyes at me as she said this.

"Okay, mom." I then murmured, turning to the right side and watching the candles burn as the wax slowly melted. But before I nearly pressed the 'hang up' button,  Eva asked me quite an  alarming question;

"Oh, and by the way... Have you heard from Liam?"

Liam. 

I indulged in my own thoughts. 

Did he remember it was my birthday? Did something happen?  Why didn't he come? Where is he? What if...

Question after question popped in my head like word vomit. The 'not knowing' feeling always killed me... mentally. It was the main trigger to my overthinking and this time was also the reason my sleeping pills stopped doing their job that night. I instantly became wide awake as you would feel after your 10th cup of coffee. 

"Rose..?"  She tried to bring my attention back, giving me an 'Are you still there' signal.

"No, he didn't." I let out a sigh and blew off the candles. "And before you will attempt at trying to say something comforting, don't. Let's talk about this later." 

"Okay, I understand." 
The exact words I needed to hear from her. 

"Goodnight, Evangeline Lockhart." I put the emphasis on her full name, knowing she didn't like it when I said it. She scoffed at me and that meant that the Liam topic was brushed off by then. A good sign. 

"Goodnight, Rosemary Young." She teased me back and soon hung up the phone. 

Staring at the ceiling was how I spent the next ten-fifteen minutes. The same questions began to repeat and I felt the urge to run outside and start looking for him at night.

Am I crazy? Maybe I should just ignore the fact he didn't call or appear or said anything to me. Am I obsessive? Maybe even all of the above.

I climbed out of bed, plugged headphones in my ears and played 'Hei Bae- Radio Edit' as I was making my way towards the window. I opened it so I could get some fresh air and took long, deep breaths, closing my eyes every time I inhaled.

Maybe I should start meditating.
I tried to get out of my head. 

Behind the curtains and a shut window was the skyline I never got tired of seeing. The smell of either cookies or vanilla started to bore me, but not-so-fresh New York air never got too old. It was more comforting than the words Eva thought to say. Or the cheesy lines Liam should have written on my birthday card that was never given to me. Distracted from my thoughts to the bewitching city, I didn't notice how my phone kept buzzing. I was shocked it didn't drop out it out of my hands. And once I checked it, I saw ten identical messages that appeared on my screen;