Playing With Fire

Reliving the Nightmare

*SENSITIVE CHAPTER*

Taraji

3 weeks later

Pain and regret is what I felt dealing with Calvin. The most darkest time in my life where I thought I would never see a brighter day again. Countless nights I prayed to God that he would make a way for me to escape from Calvin. When I did I made sure he could never get close to me again.

Qirin small giggles filled the air as he splashed around in the sudsy tub. He was now 8 months and a busy body. I had just finished bathing him. I kissed his rosey cheeks. He clapped his hands with a wide smile. I sat on the toilet seat watching him play in the bubble bath for a minute.

My shoulders slumped as I thought about that day. May 16 , 1997. The first chance I had at becoming a mother. I remember how excited I was when I found out I was pregnant. Oh the joy of holding your child in your arms so close that you never want to let them go. Calvin on the other hand believed I was cheating on him and wanted me to have an abortion.

I heard a knock at the door. I quickly wiped away a stray tear. Terrence stuck his head in the doorway before walking fully inside. I gave him a quick smile.

"Is this bath time or swim time? Look at all this water."Terrence laughed looking around. Q babbled reaching up for Tee. I was so zoned out I didn't realize the mess Q made.

"I didn't even realize."I said still in my reverie. Terrence seen my uneasiness. He wrapped Q in his towel and came over to me.

"Is everything alright?"He asked me lifting my chin. I shifted my eyes away from his and bit my bottom lip.

"I'm ready to open up now Terrence."I said finally. His eyes grew and he knelt down in front of me.

"Baby I'm not trying to force it out of you. If your not ready you don't have to sweetheart."He said searching my eyes. I shook my head.

"No I'm ready...no more secrets."I let flow from my lips. Q laid his head on Tee's shoulder rubbing his eyes.

"Aight let me put him to bed."He said before placing a kiss on my forehead. He grabbed my hand helping to my feet.

I strolled behind him letting my feet drag the carpet. Terrence changed my life in a major way. This is what love felt like. I didn't believe my father and I was still upset that he would do such a thing.

My father only believes I'm designed for Calvin. I inwardly scoffed. That resentment towards my father was starting to surface again. Not even my own parents knew what went on between me and Calvin , I was forced not to tell.

Terrence went into Q's room which was across the hall from our bedroom next to the nursery. I decided to let him get Q ready for bed alone. I needed to get my mind prepared for this.

Nervously, I played with my fingers biting my bottom lip.

'Was I ready to relive that nightmare?'I asked myself. I threw my head back against the plush pillows.

"I gave Q his milk he should be out by another half hour."Terrence interrupted walking into our bedroom placing the baby monitor on the nightstand.

I blinked looking his way and nodded. He got into the bed pulling me close to his chest. I loved being close to him. So close I felt his warm heartbeat and his love. He laced our fingers together and kissed the back of my hand.

'It's time to move on Taraji. Tell him your truth.'My inner thoughts influenced me. I let out a breath.

"Tee opening up about this is really hard for me."I uttered first. Terrence leaned his forehead on mine and rested his free hand on my now 5 month round belly. That was Tee favorite place to rub me now.