As a teen , I have alot of questions about myself that I can't answer . I look at my surroundings and compare my life with there's , and their lifes are always better . I set back and ask myself why and again I never get a answer .
The age of 3 my biological father past away. It seems like everthing change after my father pass. As I was growing up my mom and little bit of my family on my day side would tell me about my dad. I do remember watching my first birthday at Chuck E Cheese , seeing my dad brough tears to my eyes i'll reply it over and over again and ask why , "why my father ?." It hurts me badly to know he'll never see his youngest daughter grown up and become the young woman he wanted me to be , or graduate high school , my first homecoming / go to prom .... NOTHING! It's a pain that will never go away that I'll have to live with for the rest off my life.
By the age of 6 - 14 I alway had weight on me. I was a big girl that people love to talk about. I was Embarrassed of going to school because I was a fat child. It was devastating for me and it's still is now at the age of 14. As I got older the fat jokes got worser and worser , to the point I said I wanted to commit suicide. I Remember my mom telling me "nothing comes open handed life, you have to work for it." At the age of 10 I joined the basketball team , I was really good and enjoyed playing. It help me lose weight but not enough weight to stop name calling. That's when I learn how to FIGHT!
I got sick and tired of people making fun of me because of my weight, that's when I began to fight. Elementary and part of 7th grade I got into over a hundred fights of people calling me out of my name and making fun of me. It eliminates some of the name calling but not all. It feel like I was in this dark world along and nobody was there to help me. I was sick of the bulling , I began to blaze them back! I said to myself your beautiful nomatter what your body size is it's your insides that counts and everyday I'll look in mirror and repeat it over and over again.
13years old I lost my big brother and befor my brother pass my Granddaddy Woods pass away. I was living in hell and burning slow. It was hard for me to accept my brother and granddad was gone , that's when the darkness started to take over. Fronting in front of my friends like nothing was wrong with me was easy , but deep down inside the pain and tears was boiling. My school red flag me and sent me to a Psychiatrist.
By the age of 14 things got better for me . I stop trying to commit suicide and started to love myself for me. There are some times when i do think about it but i just have to remind myself im beautiful the way iam . Because im a big girl doesn't mean nothing im still a human being with feelings.
