web slinger [mb's]

him // part three

It's great to see Wade has moved on...gotten over what we had. At least I know now that maybe he can find someone better for him than what I was.

It hurts to see that he's so happy however. It hurts to think that eventually someone else could be holding the first person I remember saying 'I love you' to and meaning it one hundred percent. It hurts to think that he'll maybe eventually forget about what we had and focus on his new better life.

It hurts me most to think of all the things that won't be mine anymore. Kissing him wherever and whenever I wanted, being able to cuddle him when we were bored, cold or scared. I'm going to miss being able to worry if he is recording me while I'm serenading him over breakfast. I'm gonna miss coming home to see Wade messing with something of mine. I'm definitely gonna miss my dad telling us to shut up and go to sleep before he 'drags us out by out nostrils with the suit.' I'm gonna miss the over dramatic conversations and constant homework interruptions...I'm gonna miss him in general.

I guess it's time for me to pull on my big boy pants and get over myself. I mean it is my fault that I lost him.

They say you never know how much you love something until it's gone... I had no idea how heart-achingly true that was until I woke up and he wasn't there. Then I realized he's never coming back and that...that was soul crushing.