Its My Turn To Decide (SHORT STORY)

Its My Turn To Decide

When you grow up without a voice, you cannot stand for what you believe in. You sit back and just do as you’re told. This was my life; just little Lianna without a voice of her own. My mom, Janice, and grandma, Cecelia, have always made the decisions for me. Whether it was what I was wearing that day or even the decision of who my friends were. They controlled everything. My mother soon married Lord Harvey, when I was 3 years old. Growing up in a small apartment in the outskirts of England wasn’t the life she wanted for me. I guess marrying someone you didn’t really love was. It was because of my mother she now had jewels the size of Jupiter and grandma could now sleep in her own bed; and for me I could now own a guitar so I could play my music. Everyone was somewhat happy; pretending to love someone, was I guess the price you pay for a happy life- a happy ending, right?

Lord Harvey was 40 years older than mom, and she seemed to take that to her advantage very often. Lord Harvey became a father to me throughout the years and I truly loved him as a father. By the age of 12 the man I had once known as my father died. I was too young to understand so no one never really told me what happened. My mother remarried 3 more times shortly after, but they all seem to end the same way- in death. My mother a murderer; maybe, but there was no way I could know for sure. As my 25th birthday approached and my arranged marriage to Lord Charles got closer, I couldn’t help, but to think about a better life for myself.

“Mother I don’t want this” I pleaded with a broken heart. Her stare so cold and heartless “This isn’t what you want dear Lilianna, your grandma and I need you to take of us. Of our needs; this lifestyle is who we are now. Do you really want to take that away from us?” her words piercing through me with every word she spoke. “Of course not.” I shamelessly hang my head low. “Then don’t be selfish, I taught you better!” My mother taught me to always put money first. She always taught me that money was the only thing that mattered. I always thought differently.

As my wedding day finally came around and I walked down the aisle, my heart pounding harder than ever before; I couldn’t help but think of running away. As the final “I-Do’s” where said and his lips approached mine, the feeling of vomit started to arise. I thought about my mother and grandmother, that they needed me- so with that I closed my eyes and sealed the deal, becoming Mrs. Charles Hastings.

Three months into the marriage had past and I still wasn’t happy, you can sure bet that Charles knew it. Our kisses had no meaning and the love that was shared behind closed doors was lifeless. I was unhappy, and so was he. We agreed on getting a divorce which only angered my mother. “Are you insane Lilianna, your grandmother and I need you” she gripped my arm with full force making a tear fall down my face. “This isn’t my place, I’m truly not happy why are you making me do this” I pleaded again, her eyes were heartless. “It is your DUTY!” her words meaningless at this point, but before I could answer, with one swift movement she slapped me across the face. My mother had never hit me before; I’ve never seen that side of her. Her face no longer mad, but sad-completely lifeless.

As Friday rolled around and paperwork was beginning to get made, Charles was bedridden with swine flu, leaving me taking care of his governing duties. As his wife for the time being it was my job, and I was ok with doing so. “My dear Lilianna, please think about what you’re doing” My grandmother never looked worried, but it was written all over face. “Grandma, I love you, but this isn’t for me…” she took my words and walked off.

That afternoon I went to town, even though I have people for this it’s sometimes nice to get of the palace. It was there that I met a man by the name of Joshua. His eyes were the first thing that caught my attention. His smile so soft and enduring. I fell instantly in love.

Charles only got worse and I would find any excuse to go to town to see Joshua. He owned a bakery and a really good one at that. Over 3 months it has now become my escape. Joshua made me happy, he was the one I truly loved and he truly loved me. This is my happy ending.

Walking through the palace with Joshua on my mind, I turn a corner to be pushed against a while very violently by non-other than my very own grandmother. “YOU SLUT!” fiery bursting through her face. “ Grandma I don’t understand, fixing my posture and coming out the strands of hair from my face she answers with a statement I never thought would come from her. “ You are SELFISH. You are not from my family, I taught you to put family first, and since you are clearly not putting your family first; you are no longer a part of my family.” Taken back on her words I was left speechless. She stared at me in pure disgust and left.

My mother and grandmother soon enough found out about Joshua and no longer looked at me the same way. Charles watch day got worse which meant I had to stay longer as Mrs. Charles Hastings. Charles was a great man and I knew someone would truly love him one day.  Walking towards my room I soon over hear my mother and grandmother “Since my slut of a daughter will not take care of this family looks like I’m going to have to do this on my own. She’s such a worthless piece of SH-“I’ve never heard my mother speak in such vile words and it’s not that I know she truly hated me for my decisions. “You can’t do this by yourself, be smart about your decisions. If Lilianna finds out you killed Lord Harvey and every husband after that she will see what’s coming” with each word my mother spoke my heart broke more and more. As the tears shed down my face my mother spoke again. “Oh, Cecelia she has no idea”

I run fast through the halls not looking back- feeling such betrayal from my own family. I run through town until I reach Joshua’s house. “Lilianna are you ok, what’s wrong?” he soon wrapped me in a warm embrace that made me feel so at home. “Let’s just leave tonight and never come back here, please” I pleaded with tear gushing down my face. “I’m confused, I can’t leave tonight I have a business to take care of, you know that”. Having no other choice I saw the words I never thought I would say to the one I truly love.

I pull apart from his embrace which made me shiver ever so slightly “Joshua, if you can’t take me away from here, then I can no longer be with you. I backed away slowly which only made him grab me in another hug. “Don’t say something you don’t mean.” I kiss him ever so slightly “I’m not doing this because I want to; I’m doing this, because you’re safer without me. I back away before he could say anything and headed back towards the palace.

Making it to my bedroom to freshen up, I realize Charles was no longer in the bed. Leaving me to wonder; I hear a knock on the door. It was Sally – the maid- “Mrs. Hastings I regret to inform you that Charles is no longer with us.” Did I hear what she said properly, was Charles really dead? I dropped to the floor in shock and cried my heart out. Sally left me to be alone and shortly after she left my mother appeared in the room. She towered over me putting a hand on my shoulder. “Poor Lilianna, I’m sorry about your loss, but think about this way”- she gets closer to my ear and whispers “His fortune is now ours good job baby” I glance at her with the corner of my eye and see her smiling. I might not have loved Charles as a real wife should, but his death only made me angrier at my mother's greed for money.