Avengers, Loki, and Bucky Preferences/Short Imagines [Wattys2017]

Bucky Barnes One Shot

  //; All right, so I wrote this a while ago. It's kinda sad, and if you're on your computer, I suggest you listen to No Way Out by Phil Collins. Either the Brother Bear version or his extended version will do. Search it on YouTube or Spotify. This takes place Post Winter Solider, but Pre-Civil War. Enjoy!  

[Everywhere I turn I hurt someone

But there's nothing I can say to change the things I've done]

Bucky sat on his bed in his safe house, just staring at his arm. The cold, lifeless, numb, metallic attachment to his body. This... This thing. It had hurt so many people, ruined so many lives, taken away so many lives.

[Of all the things I hide from you I cannot hide the shame

And I pray someone something will come and take away the pain]

He had tried drinking, but whatever HYDRA did to him, it made him immune to alcohol. He supposed it was for the better. Maybe that way... Maybe that way he wouldn't do anything stupid.

[There's no way out of this dark place

No hope, no future

I know I can't be free]

He couldn't see a way out of this situation. There was no way to make things better. He was a murderer in his eyes, and in the eyes of anyone who had half a brain. The metal on his body proved it. He was just a mindless machine.

[But I can't see another way

And I can't face another day]

It was impossible for him to look in a mirror without a sinking feeling in his chest. His eyes were dead, his hair a mess, scruff growing in patches on his cheeks and chin. If only Steve could see him now.

[Tell me where did I go wrong

Everyone I love, they're all gone]

Steve. There was a pang in Bucky's chest at the mere thought of that name. His best friend... There was no way he'd look at him the same way. Not after all that had happened.

[I'd do everything so differently

But I can't turn back the time

There's no shelter from the storm inside of me]

As the days went by, memories came flashing back, painful memories. The people he had done in. Their faces all came flooding back. And their cries of pain, their final exhales, all of it. If he could go back in time, he would have done anything he could have to fight the urge, fight the command. But, there was no turning back the clock. There was nothing he could do.

[There's no way out of this dark place

No hope, no future

I know I can't be free]

There was still no out. No forgiveness for his misgivings. He was doomed to relive it all, day after day. He had no escape.

[But I can't see another way

And I can't face another day]

It was getting harder and harder to get through the days without thinking of possible solutions to ending his pain. Though he never wanted to admit it, suicide was up there. But he couldn't do it. Not when Steve was still out there.

[Can't believe the words I hear

It's like an answer to a prayer]

When he thought back to the scene on the bridge, where he had almost killed Natasha, and even Steve, he remembered Steve saying his name. Bucky. It brought something back, but he didn't want to admit it. It made him.... It made him feel almost human. It was a split second, but it was there.

[And when I look around I see,

This place, this time, this friend of mine]

He still had pictures from the museum. He had notebooks filled with sketches and notes about himself. About Steve. About them. And he wanted all of it back.... He wanted it so badly.

[I know It's hard but found somehow

To look into your heart and to forgive me now]

When he saw Steve's face, the handsome smiling face, and he saw himself laughing with his best friend, he found a glimmer of hope, and it decided to resurface and reside in his chest.

[You've given me the strength to see just where my journey ends

You've given me the strength to carry on]

No. He wouldn't end his life today, or tomorrow, or next week. He would keep pushing on, trying to remember himself, remember Steve. Steve was who he needed. Steve was who he wanted. Steve was his anchor.

And little did he know, he was Steve's anchor, too.