i want so many things. most of them I know I'll never get. I don't care anymore . I want complete happiness. that, I know, will never happen. no one around me, I don't think, can make me completely happy. I don't think anyone cares enough to try and make me completely happy. I don't think I've experienced it yet. I'm waiting for the one second I can just smile and say i'm happy. is it even possible to be completely happy? I just want it. I'm being selfish as fuck but I don't care. make me happy. bits of me are happy. I'm happy when I close my eyes and everything is quiet. I'm happy when people smile because they''ve seen me. I'm happy when I can make other people happy. I think I'm sad more often though. I'm always stuck with these sad thoughts. I'm sad when I see him in the hallway looking perfect as ever. I'm sad when I look in the mirror. I'm sad when he laughs. I'm sad when I see other people completely happy. I'm sad when people think I hate them. I'm sad when people don't want to talk to me. I'm sad when I try hard and no ones notices. I'm sad when I get that lump in my throat. I'm sad when I have to act like he's not right there. I'm sad when I don't know how to feel.
***TALKING ABOUT SELF HARM. IF THATS A TRIGGER SKIP PAST ALL THE BOLD.***
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I'm sad when I look at my hip and see my scars. I'm sad when I think of the first boy that's gonna see them. I'm sad when I wonder what he's gonna think.
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I'm sad that I'm sad. and that confuses me so much.
-confused as shit
-morgan
YOU ARE READING
Dear Diary.
Randommy journal entries. completely real. some spots talk about self-harm, I'll say before they do though. read if you want a peek into a lame boring 15 year olds life.
