Turn it Off!

He was so beautiful... That Austrian across the room with his chocolate hair and his odd violet eyes, of course. Because who else would Gilbert be staring at during a lecture?
The albino sighed as he forced himself to redirect his attention to the splats of rain beating against the window he sat next to. Maybe if he focused on that, he would stop thinking about that intriguing Austrian boy. After all, he knew that the brunet would never even give him a chance. He was probably much too refined to hang out after school with the strange, red eyed boy who always managed to get himself into trouble.
Even if he did, by some miracle, ever give Gilbert the time of day, that would only frighten the German. He was so afraid of himself... He was allowed enough time on the internet to know that constantly thinking about another boy was not normal. The faint butterflies that came from thoughts of spending time with the other boy terrified Gilbert to no end... He knew that he wanted more than just to spend time. He wanted more than the time of day, and more than friendship.
The albino imagined himself and the beautiful brunet alone on a deserted island, the sun coating both of their fair skins in a thin layer of sweat. It was too hot, much too hot, and so, the two decided to go swimming naked in the clear, picturesque sea. And then, he'd try and... Sheiße.
Gilbert Beilschmidt was having gay thoughts about Roderich Edelstein.
And he needed to end them. Thankfully, just as Gilbert jerked himself out of his mortifying reverie, the bell rang and he was able to quickly hury out of class. He knew what he needed to do.

~Time Skip™ provided by Andrew Rannells~

Gilbert was home alone at last. His grandfather had taken Ludwig out for dinner, but he'd insisted that he had homework to do. Ha.
Rushing down from his room the second he heard the door lock, the albino quickly stole some paper and markers from his grandfather's office. Immediately, he set to work. Before long, a poorly drawn diagram of a brain had been sloppily created on the paper and divided into little boxes. And then, in the top right corner, was Gilbert's least favorite box of his brain that he'd drawn. It had been labeled "gay".
The boy carefully replaced all of the markers and stole away to his room with the paper, locking the door, even though he was the only one in the house. He sat on his unmade bed, eyeing the diagram of his brain with slight uncertainty for a moment before taking a deep breath and going through with it. The albino angrily tore the "gay" box right out of his brain and proceeded to crush the scrap of paper in his tense fist.
His mind flashed to the elegant, somewhat uptight (yet endearing), and gorgeous Roderich. Damn it!
Gilbert removed the paper from his fist in favor of crushing it between both of his hands, and then tearing it into tiny bits that scattered on the floor. His face was red with anger and tears began flowing down his pale cheeks in frustration. He'd imagined his head was made of tiny boxes, found the box that was gay, and CRUSHED IT! He'd imagined his thoughts as reading lights and turned them off!
So WHY WAS HE STILL GAY?!?!
Gilbert crumpled to the ground in defeat, now openly sobbing. He could not turn it off! And boys should be with girls, as Heavenly Father insisted! So did that mean that he would always be alone? He supposed so...
Gilbert needed help. And he knew exactly the guy to ask.

~Second Time Skip™ provided by Rory O'Malley~

The blond was surprised to hear his doorbell go off in the middle of the afternoon, but couldn't have been more pleased to see who it was. "Ah, Gilbert, mon ami! What brings you here?"
Gilbert looked down at his feet, ashamed to say a word.
"Gil, I think you'd better come in."
The albino shuffled inside quickly, taking a seat next to Francis on the couch. "Francis, I..." he trailed off, unsure of what he wanted to say exactly. Then, he worked up the courage to look the Frenchman in the face and blurted out, "I've been having gay thoughts about that Edelstein guy."
Francis blinked a few times before a broad smile came across his face. "Ah, I knew it!" he said excitedly, clapping his hands together.
"Y-you wha-"
"You are always looking at him! It's clear as day! But you know that you can never be with him... When you're feeling ~certain feelings~ that just don't seem right, turn them off!" While his words seemed somewhat helpful, the suggestive eyebrow wiggle made Gilbert question his decision of even coming here.
The albino sighed heavily. "I've tried that, but... Nope."
"Then you've only got yourself to blame," was the response. Well, that hadn't been very positive or useful.
"Thanks, Francis. I'll see ya tomorrow at school." With that, Gilbert hurried home before his brother and grandfather returned.
He had gotten home and to bed in time, thankfully. But thoughts of the beautiful Roderich kept invading his brain.

Gilbert could not turn it off.

A/N Okay, so let me start by saying that I realize that sucked! Also, that went from very crack to very not crack but also written like crack(???) real quick. That was an epic failure of a first attempt at crack... Oh well! Maybe one day, I'll figure out where I wanted this fic to actually go and fix it up! Until then, may Heavenly Father forgive me. As always, thank you for reading!!! Have a cracktastic day!

(I would also just like to quickly note that I am not trying to be offensive to Mormons in any way; I am just going off of the musical and am perfectly aware that parts of it may be incorrect. But hey! You've got to learn to respect artistic licence and laugh at yourself! I do it all the time! So yeah, to any Mormons reading this, no disrespect!)