The Alexandra Chronicles ¤ Derek Hale

Chapter 23

The first thing my mind registered when I started to come to was this annoying, incessant beeping. I groaned, wishing it would turn off as I forced myself to open my eyes and look around. Realizing that I was in the hospital caused me to frown; I'd never liked having to be admitted into hospitals, and that hadn't changed. "You're awake!" My mother's relieved voice came from the doorway and I looked over to see her rushing into the room, tears in her eyes as she smiled at me. "Scott told me you had a nasty spill at the ice-rink, honey," she said. "Maybe you should steer clear of it from now on... scared me half to death when they wheeled you into the emergency room with blood all over your head!"
I smiled at my mother's worry, knowing that even if I did steer clear of anything that could hurt me, she'd still worry anyway. "Mom, I'm fine," I insisted, looking around my room. My eyebrows furrowed in confusion when I saw a vase of flowers on the table next to me. "Who...?"
"I don't know," she answered without me having to finish the question. "They were brought when I was off-duty, and whoever the guy was didn't tell any of the nurses his name." Mom smirked. "They said he was cute, though. Actually, Stacy's exact words were 'smoking hot,' but you get the point." She paused and asked, "Got any idea who it was?"
I reached over and grabbed the tiny card attached to the vase, flipping it over. Two words were etched on it, and even though it was a simple I'm sorry I knew immediately who sent the flowers. The thought made my heart feel heavy and I wasn't sure whether I should be pissed at him because he was the reason I was here in the first place, or thankful because he at least cared enough to check on me.
No... pissed.
I was definitely pissed.
"Yeah," I grumbled, shoving the flowers as far away from me as I could get them as a scowl etched across my face. Mom raised her eyebrows and opened her mouth to speak, but I just said, "I don't want to talk about it right now, Mom."
She sighed in disappointment. "Okay."
"When can I leave?" I asked her.
"As soon as I sign the discharge papers," she answered. "You busted your head open and gave yourself a concussion, but the wound wasn't deep enough to need stitches or anything. Just be careful when you take a bath and try not to do anything that will open the wound back up... but obviously you know that."
The corners of my lips pulled up. "Well," I said, "can you hurry up and sign those papers? Because I feel disgusting in this hospital gown. And Scott has a game tonight, right?"
Mom beamed. "Yeah, and I'm actually going to be off work by then. We can go together!" She said happily. "Oh, that'll be so nice. Me and my baby girl, spending time together, watching my baby boy play lacrosse..." she babbled on to herself as she walked out of the room and I just shook my head at her, a fond smile on my face.
Once the discharge papers were signed, I had to take a taxi home since I obviously didn't have my car with me. School had already started a few hours ago and I really didn't feel like going anyway, so I was just planning on lazing around all day until it was time to go to Scott's game. Even though I didn't necessarily want to sit and watch a lacrosse game tonight, I had a feeling it was probably a good idea I went in case something else managed to go wrong for us. Because -- in my experience -- something always did go wrong.
However, while I had the chance, I decided to relax. (Which was actually just stressing about college applications once again until I got too frustrated and resorted to crawling into bed and binge-watching Castle.) Mom was still at work and Scott was at school, which meant that I was home alone; so you can imagine how I felt when I went back to my room after getting a bottle of water and seeing the silhouette of someone standing in the corner of my room. In fact, I probably would have had a heart attack and bolted from my room, had I not been able to recognize the person's build even before he stepped into the light of my television, allowing me to see his features. "What are you doing here?" I asked flatly, reaching over to turn on my bedroom light.
"I just wanted to make sure you were okay," he said, his green eyes searching me as if he was looking for any wounds the hospital might have missed. "How is your head feeling?"
I crossed my arms. "Don't worry about it," I said stubbornly as I busied myself by straightening up all the college brochures I had on my desk. "You need to leave, Derek."
"Alexandra --"
"Just stop it, okay?" I snapped, whirling around to look at him. "You can't just keep hurting the people that I love and think an apology will make it better! It doesn't work that way!"
"What do you want me to say?" Derek demanded as he strode across the room so that he was towering above me. "That I'm an idiot? That I shouldn't have hurt Scott? I know that, Alexandra, and I'm sorry! I just... I know I do some things that I shouldn't sometimes, but there are things that you don't understand --"
"What is there to understand?!" I exclaimed. "Why is making a pack so damned important to you, Derek?"
"I'm stronger with a pack --"
"But you said you didn't do it for the power!" I pointed out, angry tears glistening in my eyes. "Just like you said you cared about me, that you wanted to be with me --"
"I do care about you and I do want to be with you."
"Then you shouldn't have hurt Scott!" I yelled. "Damn it, Derek, you know how much he means to me and -- and you don't even care --"
"Stop saying that!" He roared, crossing the last few steps between us and grabbing my face in his hands. "Stop saying I don't care about you, Alexandra." Derek's voice was quieter now that he was so close to me, but it was still full of frustration and anger. "Because I do -- more than you could possibly imagine. You're the one that doesn't care about me."
I laughed, but it was a bitter type of laugh, no humor in it at all as I tried to control the lump in my throat. "I swear to God, Derek, I care about you so much. But it hurts." Tears slipped from my eyes as I continued, "It hurts feeling this way for you, because all you ever seem to do is hurt everyone else that I love, and I always feel caught in the middle. I'm trying so hard to look past your mistakes and see the good in you, but you're not making it easy."
Derek was shocked at my admission; I could see it in his eyes. His posture slackened and he stepped backward from me, our hands releasing each other's as his shoulders sagged in defeat. "You're too good for me," he decided, looking away from me. "I'm so sorry, Alexandra -- for hurting Scott, for hurting you... I never wanted this."
I swiped at the tears on my face. "Then why are you being this way, Derek?" I asked him as he was making his way toward my door to leave. "It doesn't have to be like this."
Derek stopped in his tracks, his back facing me. He stood there for a moment in silence, until his head turned to the side and he saw all of the college brochures on my desk. "Go to Washington State, with that Nick kid," he said finally, picking up the WSU brochure. "He can give you the life you deserve, Alexandra."
I gaped at his back, as he still hadn't turned around to face me. "I don't want to be with Nick," I said. "And maybe I don't want whatever life he could give me, either."
"You don't want whatever life I could give you, either," he responded evenly. "There's too much danger, too many ways you could get hurt --"
"My brother's a werewolf, too, have you forgotten that?"
"-- and I can't be selfish with you," he continued on as if I hadn't even spoken. "So just... just go away to college in the fall, and make something of yourself, and find a normal guy to settle down with."
"But --" I sputtered, trying to find the words to say. His words were giving me a whiplash; I couldn't believe Derek was actually telling me these things. After all this time of him trying to be with me, and now he was pushing me away? "But... we're mates, Derek..."
He turned slightly and shut his eyes, tilting his head toward the ceiling. "That's exactly why I want you to do those things, Alexandra," Derek told me. "I want you to have a happy human life without having to worry about anything supernatural."
"But I..." I couldn't even think of anything to respond to that. He was seriously throwing me for a loop on this one. Derek Hale was a totally complex person; just when I think I'm starting to understand the way his mind works, he does a complete 180 on me. First he was telling me that he wanted to be with me, then he was telling me that he didn't? I couldn't keep up with him.
Derek, seeing that I was lost for words, took that as the end of the conversation and turned to leave again. Just as he was opening the door, he stopped suddenly and whirled around, crossing the room toward me in three long strides. Before I even had the chance to ask what he was doing, he had cupped my face in his hands and pressed his mouth to mine. I jolted out of surprise, completely not expecting that, but I couldn't stop myself from relaxing into him as he kissed me feverishly, his lips rough and warm against my own. Derek kissed me in a way I had never been kissed before, and it left me breathless and blushing when he finally pulled away from me.
"I had to do that. Just once," he murmured, resting his forehead against mine with his eyes closed. "Goodbye, Alexandra."
And before I even had the chance to gather my thoughts, he was already gone.