Denis

If We Cant Change The Past Then Why Should We Care

BTW TRIGGER WARNING IF YOUR TRIGGERED BY SOMEONE CONSIDERING SUICIDE AND ALMOST GOING THROUGH WITH IT THEN PLZ SKIP THIS CHAPTER YOU'LL BE ABLE TO PIECE TOGETHER WHAT HAPPENED TRUST ME.

A month went by in what felt like maybe a week. It was completely amazing. All a blur of shows, drinking, and growing to love Denis more and more.
"So, it's our anniversary, and I want to spend the entire day with you." Denis said to me after breakfast.
"What do you want to do?" I asked.
"Well I was going to get my hair cut," he said.
"Romantic." I said sarcastically.
"You didn't let me finish. I thought maybe we could go out to lunch afterwards then maybe, hit the tattoo shop?" Denis proposed.
"Oh my God, I'd love to!" I exclaimed. We got a cab to some hairstylist place that I can't remember the name of, and I held his hand as I watched bits of his black hair fall to the floor. As the stylist turned the chair around to show me her work, my heart practically stopped. He'd lost the fringe and gone back to his original cut. I could see more of his face, and I couldn't help but smother his face with kisses. I heard him giggle and he stood up to take in his arms and kiss for what felt like forever. I never wanted it to end, he was so... indescribably romantic. Even when he was being a smartass.
"Do you wanna get your locks chopped?" Denis offered.
"Sure, I've had this hairstyle for the past 3 years. Time for a change." I got it cut like Amy Lee from Evanescence, and when the hairstylist turned the chair to face Denis his eyes looked like they were about to pop out of his pretty little head.
"You like it?" I ask.
"Ho-holy shit." Denis stammered.
"Language Denis. We're in public."
"Fucking hell." He said I giggled and we stood up, just kids of staring at each other.
"Ahem." The hairstylist said. I giggled as I started to pull out my wallet.
"Don't even think about it." Denis snapped.
"What!?" I asked, confused.
"I'm paying. Put it away." He said. I laughed as I stated
"You can drop this gentleman bullshit."
"Never." He said smugly. Then he paid and we just walked around until we found a quiet looking place for lunch. It was some soup place that had fountain drinks. If only they had Jack Daniels at the soda fountain. We didn't really crack jokes, just told interesting stories about our pasts. Denis told me he was circumcised when he was 18. I cringed and gritted my teeth at that story. Ouch. I told him about the time I got a hairline fracture in my shoulder. He told me about Ukraine, I told him about Ireland. He told me how lonely the tour can get, and I told him about my depression.
"What does it, feel like? Depression, I mean." He asked.
"Avalanche by Bring Me The Horizon is a perfect description." I say quietly.
"Interesting." Denis replies softly.
"Why is that?" I ask.
"I've, felt that way. A lot, really."
"It always seems like the people who deserve it least wind up with that shit." I say.
"How so?" He asked. I really hoped he didn't think he deserved to feel that way. Nobody does, really.
"For example, my best friend in 7th grade. Biggest sweetheart you'd ever know, cared for everyone, had a heart of gold. She had really bad depression. My uncle, smartass, but very loving and caring. He had seasonal depression. My father, bipolar disorder. Very loving. Wanted very much to be in my life, but my mom ran him off. And me? Persistent depression."
"I'm, so sorry." He said.
"Don't be. We're not stuck in that dark state we once were. We got help and got better. In my case I flushed my antidepressants. They were making me numb. I decided I'd rather be sad then not feel at all."
"How have you been dealing with it without the pills?" He questioned.
"Kept going to counseling, and kept finding ways to tell the depression to fuck off."

We had a great day so far. We both got our hair cut. She loved mine and she looked absolutely flawless. We went out to lunch, and things got pretty deep. She told me she has depression. Her! Why couldn't it have been me instead, goddammit!? What did she ever do to deserve that? She told me "Avalanche" by Bring Me The Horizon describes what it feels like. I, feel that way a lot. I don't want to be the one who need to be taken care of. I want to take care of her. Forever. I love her.