6:38 PM
Sunday
July 31, 2016
I'm tired. Around 2 days ago my friend asked me if I want to come over, being the person I am I said yes.
"I want to talk to my 'Potato buddy'!" I said out of the blue after getting bored.
"What's that?" Her father asks.
"I'll explain." I sat down ready to tell him want I meant.
"It's just someone that I met on this app, a friend, an internet friend!"
"You shouldn't be talking to people over the internet you know! They could be child predators. Be careful!"
How would you fucking now that?
"I know! It's just that....."
I need an excuse.
"Now that I think about it I haven't talk to them in days!" I said with fake smile, like always.
"See, why do you want to talk to them again when they could of asked for your name, number, where you live.." He trails off, adding more things to the list as he speaks. My friends mother gave me a look that clearly said,"Sorry, he tends to be really overprotective about people!" I shot a look back that said,"it's fine."
It was never fine.
He doesn't know what he's talking about.
Shut up.
I don't need to hear this damned speech again.
She helps me.
They understand.
While they where busy hurting me.
They were busy helping me.
"See! Those are all the reasons internet friends are bad! I mean you also have your friends at school, you don't need your internet friends!"
I said shut up.
You daughter literally said to my face
"The one who wrote a suicide note to herself."
In front of everyone.
She is the real reason I'm like this.
They help.
You hurt.
They heal.
You break.
I couldn't take it.
He was lying, he doesn't really know what internet friends are like. Shut up. Just shut the fuck up bastard!
"Well, let's go inside so you girls can get dried up then we can go get food!" They leave inside and I stay were I am trying to not let my sorry ass tears fall down my pathetic face.
"Hey!"
It's her.
I had my conversation with her and left to take a shower. I close the door, completely unaware that tears were streaming down my face until I let go of the door knob.
"Tch, you wouldn't know or care." I whispered to myself.
He didn't know. I used all my will power out there to not cry and scream in his face. I felt myself digging my hand into my arm almost drawing blood out of anger. I let go of my arm to see that the spot was red. I got into the shower and washed my arm and it looked better then before so I let it be. Later everything went back to normal.
The next day
Today was normal, to normal. Something was going to happen, I felt it in my guts.
-Later the same day, everything's normal-
We went out to eat, my sister called my other one.
"Hey, Johana, you want anything?"
-talking on the other line-
"Okay then, we'll pass by! Bye."
We passed by this place.
"Ma, I'm going to go get Pokemon! Sarai's going to come with me."
But I never agreed to, either way I left.
-small time skip-
"See, she did it."
"Hm.."
I was lost in my own little world repeating the same lyrics,
"Take me to church
I'll worship like the God and the shrine on your lies
I will tell you my sins so you can sharpen your knife
Offer me that deathless death
A good God
Let me give you my life."
"She did it, she broke my phone and I need to use her account now instead of mine. See that's why she fucked up her other tablet and my phone!"
It was a damned accident, dumbass.
"Is this your account?"
"....yes......"
"See!"
They walk up ahead, I stayed at least a foot behind. As we were crossing the street I was constantly whispering to myself.
"Hit me, make it look like an accident."
"Should I run or not?"
"Would leaving be good for the family?"
"Of course it would what am I saying?"
I twirled the necklace I wore. I looked like a zombie slowly walking behind a perfect, happy family. We went back, everyone looked at me, noticing the dead look in my left eye with the other one looking with no expression since my hair would usually cover that eye. Before I came in all happy and cheery, now I looked half dead.
Help me.
Please.
We went home at 12:00 that night and I couldn't sleep. After everyone was asleep I went to the kitchen and grabbed a knife.
Slowly,
I put it to my wrist, ready to watch and feel the numbing pain. I never really got a chance to cut because something would always interrupt. And as if reading my mind I started hearing the noise that my tablet made when I got a notification. I checked where they where coming from.
It was them.
All senses and emotions hit me like a truck.
Did they know?
What's going on?
I drop the knife the the carpeted floor and sob quietly to myself.
I was mad, how the hell were they able to stop?!
I was happy, thanks for stopping me.
I was sad, was I meant to be stopped or was that just a possibility that just happened.
I was confused, was the world just playing a sick trick on me?
And on top of all I smile.
Not a genuine one.
Not a fake one.
But one that just said
"Thank you."
