7:44 PM
Monday
August 1, 2016
I'm tired. School is starting soon and I miss my brother. Hell if I know if he misses me. Just as every other day I went on my tablet and stayed there with them. Everything was fun and great. To great. When can I see them, him. I'm tired of these fuckers that I call family.
"I'm saying that you're like her!"
"I don't understand what you mean."
Shut up
"I'm just trying to say that you're like her!"
I don't need to hear this bullshit that happens everyday!
"She's always on her tablet! How am I like that? She needs to go and do something else besides that!"
You do not understand so shut. The. Fuck. Up.
"I know but why she needs to go, take a shower and get off the damned tablet!"
"Fine, I'll go shower."
I get up and leave the conversation. Are they fucking kidding me?! I was right next to them and they act as if I can't fucking take care of myself! They need to get their stupid shit together! They don't understand how I feel...
I go to the bathroom and immediately break down. All the pressure they were putting on me, it hurt. I got into the shower and turned on the water to the temperature I liked.
"London bridge is falling down
Falling down
Falling down
London bridge is falling down
My fair lady...."
I repeated and repeated, I don't know why. It felt nice to just hear my own voice still alive and well, or so I thought.
"L-Lon-London bridge I-is.....
Falling down
Falling down
Falling down
London bridge is falling down
My.... Fair........la.....dy..."
My voice way cracking and came out as a whisper. Why? I don't know.
When am I going to break enough to commit suicide?
I'm not entirely sure.
Am I going to live enough to see the day I graduate?
Probably not.
Will I lose my sanity?
Most likely.
Does it help to show the world my vulnerability?
Keep it in.
Will I continue to tell myself,"Don't let them see that they've gotten to you?"
Yes.
What will be my final wish when I'm on the brink of death?
Probably to see my internet friends before I die.
Or for them to at least come to my funeral.
All the questions I have ask myself have answers. I don't understand why they treat me that way. Maybe starting school soon would be better for me because they don't have to see my sorry ass every second of the damned day. I looked down at my veins while thinking about school again. They hurt. Real bad. To the point where I applied pressure to stop and surprisingly it worked. Then I looked at 2 of my bruises. I looked at the worse one. How pathetic and weak I am not enough the stand the pain of a damned bruise. I press down on it, harder and harder each passing second until I felt no pain. Just numbness. I felt so numb that I stopped typing out the next chapter for my other book. I'm tired of this bullshit I call life.
Life is like a rose.
Take care of it and it will reward you well.
Or don't and let it die.
When it starts wilting have someone help you take care of it.
Or don't and let it die.
In my case they're helping without me even asking.
That smile came again.
'Thank you'
