Nothing is For Sure

Chapter 20- No Control

Louis paces around the waiting room while he waits for Tobiah to park and come to the oncology waiting room. They decided to run some emergency scans. He bites his nails and stares at the doorway. Not a minute later, Tobiah comes in and Louis falls into his arms, sobbing.

Tobiah strokes his hair and tries to soothe him. "Hey, shh love. It's Ok. Come on love. Let's go sit down." Tobiah guides Louis to a waiting room chair and sits down setting him on his lap. He knows about Louis's depression and he knows that this is not going to help at all. Louis is slowly getting better but he knows that he will feel like this is his fault.

Louis's phone buzzes and Tobiah takes it out. Liam texted and said that he went home and got Zayn and drop Harry at a friend's house and now he is on his way. Louis rubs his eyes and takes a shaky breath. He rests his head on Tobiah's shoulder and Tobiah tousles his hair. Liam and Zayn walk in and Liam comes straight over to his brother. Louis sees him and shakes his head softly.

"I'm so s-sorry," he hiccups. "It's all my fault." Liam sits next to him and rubs his back. Louis buries his head in his boyfriend's shoulder and tries to block it all out.

"It's not your fault Louis. Niall is sick and we can't control it."

"Niall Horan?" The four boys stand up. "If you would follow me please." The nurse leads them down a series of hallways before taking them inside a room. Niall is on the bed and Katherine is writing on a clipboard. She looks up and smiles.

"Hello boys! I'm just finishing up some paperwork! We put Niall to sleep for the scans, which isn't the normal procedure but he was too sick and squirmy to stay awake. It should be wearing off soon, but I'll give you the rundown. His body is currently rejecting any sorts of treatment we are administering. We are going to try and adapt the chemo treatments for the time being. Along with that, he is dealing with a lot. After all, his best just died from the same disease that he has. He told me that he's scared of dying more than ever. Mostly you boys just need to be there for him. Once he wakes up, as long as his fever is down, you are free to go." She leaves and the four boys look at each other.

"What now?" Tobiah asks. He's unsure how they do things in the hospital.

"We just wait for him to wake up." Liam glances at Louis. He's staring at something on the counter next to the sink in the room. Liam follows his glance and sees that he's looking at scissors and syringes on the tray. He puts his hand over Louis's and then turns his hand so he can see his brother's wrists. He notices the red slashes for the first time. He realizes that he's been so wrapped up in everything going on that he forgot about how fragile Louis still is.

He's been cutting. Not too recently on this wrist though, because they are healed for the most part. It still doesn't make it Ok. He gently puts his hand on Louis's wrist and turns it back over. Tobiah notices and bites his lip. Zayn watches Louis. He stands behind him and puts his hands on his shoulders.

It's all too quiet. "Lou, do you want to go outside?" Zayn whispers in his ear. Louis nods and leaves with Tobiah. Liam and Zayn sit next to each other.

"I feel like such a terrible brother. I didn't even know that he was cutting himself. I mean it would explain a lot but I should've paid more attention to him." Zayn is about to respond, but Niall starts to wake up. Liam is quick to go over to his bed. Zayn peeks out the door and sees Louis and Tobiah walking down the hallway.

"I'm sorry. I know I said I would stop cutting but I didn't. Don't be mad. It's really hard and I-" Tobiah silences him.

"You're trying. That's great. I'm so proud of you babe." Tobiah stops walking and turns and hugs Louis. "It's Ok. I don't want you to think for a second that I'm mad or disappointed in you. I love you." He puts his forehead against Louis's and kisses his nose. "Do you want me to take you home?"