A Human Worth Falling For (Book Three)

In Which We Have Some Angst

{Cas's POV}

Dean was obviously very angry, though, I didn't really see why. Was it such a big deal that I went for a drive? Sure, I didn't say anything to anyone beforehand, but I was an adult. I didn't need anyone's permission. Especially Dean's.

Yet, there I was, taking a shower after he told me to. It seemed like everything was going so wrong. What happened to Dean?

I paused, my hands frozen in my shampoo-filled hair. The Mark. It was all the Mark.

Everything that was turning bad was because of the Mark.

I needed to talk to Dean. Or Sam. Or maybe both of them. And I needed to do it as soon as possible.

Fueled by that thought, I quickly finished showering and stepped into the steamy room.

I dried myself off and got dressed, only pausing to look at myself in the foggy mirror.

I look so normal, I thought. Normal dark hair, relatively common blue eyes, features that could be found on any other human. So, why was Dean so drawn to me? I couldn't figure it out, no matter how long I thought about it. Maybe this sudden change wasn't the Mark; maybe Dean was just realizing how average I was as a human. Maybe this was the end of us.

I scowled at myself. What was I doing? This was all the Mark, it had to be. I couldn't let my insecurities get in the way of Dean being cured. I had to help him.

I turned and walked into our bedroom. Dean was already sleeping, which made me pause to think about what I should do. I could join him in bed and forget everything that happened until the morning or I could find another place to sleep.

He was so peaceful by himself; he looked so happy like that. So, I left him exactly how he was and took of in search for an empty bed.

~~~

I woke up very confused. The left side of the bed was cold, so I thought Dean had gotten up to make breakfast. Then, I sat up and saw that I wasn't in our bedroom. Everything that happened the night before came back to me. I leaned my head on the headboard, seeing how messy our lives had become.

Oh, how I wished for a Latin exam or a small threat of world destruction. Those were the simpler times.

Once agaim, I wondered what would have happened if Crowley never appeared all those years ago. We could have been happy. We could have been normal, and as much as Dean said he didn't want that, I knew he did. We could have been living in an actual house, not a bunker in the middle of nowhere. We could've had a family by now where we would be sending our kids off to school before going to mundane jobs.

Tears started falling down my face as I realized that I wanted nothing more than to live in that world. I hated Crowley and his selfishness. He only wanted this so he could profit from it. My scowl softened as it dawned on me that Crowley never got what he wanted. He wanted the same thing that I did: to be loved. I don't know what happened with his sources that told him he would be happy, but they lied. Poor Crowley was miserable.

Maybe none of us were supposed to be happy. Maybe our lives were supposed to end with Crowley being unloved, Sam losing Jess, Dean turning into a monster fueled by the Mark, and me knowing love and it slipping out of my grasp.

Maybe we didn't deserve happy endings after all the hell we put this planet through.

Was this the end of our stories?

~~~

I didn't notice that I was drifting off to sleep, yet at some point, I did. It was midday when I was woken by someone shaking me.

"Cas? What are you doing in here?" It was Dean. He sounded worried, but I was sure that he'd be fine in a minute or two. "I've been looking for you everywhere. Why weren't you in our room?"

I rolled onto my side so I was facing the opposite wall. "I didn't feel like staying somewhere that I wasn't welcomed."

He laid his hand on my shoulder. "What do you mean? Of course you're welcomed in our room. You'll always be welcomed with me."

"It didn't seem that way last night." I murmered.

"I was angry last night. You didn't say anything and-"

"And I didn't have to," I interrupted. "I don't have to check in with you to get permission to do the things I want to do. I don't want to deal with this right now," I said, throwing his words back at him. "Please... just leave me alone."

I didn't turn to face him, but eventually, I felt the side of the bed raise and heard the door shut.

Without meaning to, I fell back into my peaceful dreams.