Chapter 39.5

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           It happened during one of Jack's hunts, well before he met that man.



            At the time he'd just wrapped up a kill. The house he'd broken into turned out to have only an old man inside, and based on some of the photos he'd found, well... He didn't have any qualms about killing this man slowly and making him suffer. Usually he just took one kidney and ran, but this time he made an exception.


            It was while cleaning up that he heard a thump from outside the bathroom. Tensing up, he grabbed his scalpel and slowly made his way to the door, peering out cautiously. Peering at the man's corpse was a rather short boy, with blond hair and wearing a green tunic with a sock-like cap. Immediately Jack's shoulders relaxed as he recognized the elf-like specter, opening the bathroom door fully. The boy's red eyes snapped in his at the sound of the door's creaking.


           "Hey, BEN," Jack greeted with a small wave, and BEN nodded.


            "Yo, Jack. Long time no see." The boy floated over to him, his feet not touching the ground. "Went a bit far with this one, don'tcha think?"


             "He deserved it," Jack said with a shrug. "Anyways, what's up?" It was rare for him to meet BEN. They didn't exactly hang out much, as it turned out Jack wasn't exactly a fan of video games. The last time he played Super Smash Bros. with him, Jack only played for an opportunity to bash Link and pretend he was beating up BEN. After that, BEN stopped asking him to play games with him.


            As such, seeing BEN in the middle of a kill was pretty unexpected. The elfish ghost just offered a lazy grin at Jack's question. "Well, ya see, I was goin' through the internet when Jeff sent me an IM from a victim's computer." Ah, right. Since BEN resided in computers, he could always be reached through IMs or emails. Jack never really used it, since he didn't own a computer, but the smiling killer did on occasion.


            "So he sent you an IM, and...?"


            "He just said to find you and get you over. When I went to check on him, he'd holed himself in the victim's bathroom. Refused to open the door without you there, and it turns out my impression of you isn't as good as I thought." Jack just shook his head.


            "Of course it isn't. I've heard you, and my voice is NOT that high-pitched. Now where's the house?" BEN rattled off an address, and about half an hour later he arrived at the house. The windows were dim, and as he opened one and crawled inside the smell of blood assaulted his nose. He quickly closed the window and walked out of the bloody bedroom, ignoring the corpse and the sweet smell of its kidneys from the giant gash in its gut.


           Walking down the hall, he frowned as he reached the door where BEN was already waiting. Funny, he didn't smell any blood from the bathroom... Pushing it out of his mind, he knocked. "Jeff, it's EJ. You wanted me?"


             "Is BEN there?" Jeff asked from the other side. BEN quickly shook his head at Jack.


            "Yeah, he is," Jack responded.


            "Jerk," BEN growled, eyes flashing.


             "BEN, get outta here!" Jeff snarled from the other side. BEN growled before stalking off, shooting Jack dagger eyes in the process. Jack just ignored him, though, and waited until BEN was gone.


            "Okay, he's gone." There was some thumping and the door unlocked.


            "Get in here, quick!" Jeff hissed from the other side, and Jack opened it and quickly slipped inside.


            "Okay, Jeff," he said as he closed the door and turned around. "What do you neeeeuhh..." He trailed off, staring at Jeff's lower abdomen. Dangling between the killer's legs was a vacuum hose attached to an older vacuum, his pants and boxers around his ankles. His paper white cheeks were red, and even his characteristic carved smile had a distinct frown to it as he looked away. "Uh..."


            "I know what you're thinking," Jeff growled. "And it's not that!" In response, Jack glanced around the bathroom, noting the walls were plastered with photos of kittens.


            "Uh..." He still didn't know what to say. "...I don't think... this is... uh..."


            "I SAID IT ISN'T WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!" Jeff snapped, scowling.


            "Then... what IS it?" Jack wasn't sure he wanted to know, though. However, Jeff seemed more than ashamed happy to fill him in anyway.


            "See, I killed this family and realized I had to go to the bathroom, y'know? So I came in here and just stared at the photos but did my business. Except the stupid bitch WASN'T dead! Suddenly the door opened and she raced inside with an old-fashioned vacuum cleaner. When I turned to her she stuck it RIGHT BETWEEN MY FUCKIN' LEGS, and then DIED because of blood loss or whatever!"


            "Oh yeah, there's a body in here," Jack muttered, finally noticing the corpse nearby. He'd been so distracted by Jeff's, ah, issue, he hadn't noticed it until now.


            "So I tried to get it off, but IT WON'T COME OFF! And now I'm stuck in here with this thing on my John, and it looks like I was jacking off to photos of FUCKING KITTENS!"


            "Please never use that phrase in front of me again," Jack muttered, shuddering.


            "What, 'fucking kittens'?"


            "...Yes." Actually, he was more referring to "jack off", but he'd rather avoid Jeff associating it with his name and laughing his butt off. Nope, Jack was NOT in the mood for THAT. "So I'm here because...?"


            "Oh, just to do a regular checkup, see I don't have any blood diseases or whatever. I WANT YOU TO GET THIS FUCKING THING OFF OF ME YOU IDIOT!"


            "Your sarcasm isn't making me want to help..." Jeff growled at him.


             "Fine. Please get this fucking thing off my junk."


            "Better." Though still bizarre.


            And thus began one of the oddest medical procedures of Jack's life, and perhaps the most bizarre yet largest debt Jeff would ever owe him.

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