ALIVE → bts fanfiction

Chapter 20

Aera's P.O.V

"Aera, what's got you so distracted?" My grandfather's voice seemed cloudy and distant. "Aera?"

I blinked and stirred, turning to him.

"Hm?" I sat up a bit straighter.

He motioned towards my plate full of untouched food, while my dad gave me a puzzled frown.

"Aren't you hungry?" Grandad asked.

"Oh, uh, yeah," I said, turning down to my dinner.

I picked up my chopsticks, but didn't move to get a bite to eat. Truthfully, I wasn't really hungry at all. I just wanted to go to my room and think. Or not think at all. My brain was exhausted. But I hadn't sat down with Dad and Grandpa for a meal like this in a while, and I felt a bit guilty.

"Are you feeling okay?" Dad finally spoke up.

"Yeah, I guess I'm just a bit tired," I faked a yawn.

I wasn't tired either. I felt wide awake. Anxious.

"Seems like you're always tired these days," He replied under his breath.

"Well, I mean, I have school and stuff, you know? I haven't completely settled in, okay?" I snapped.

They both looked up at me in surprise. I blinked, surprised at myself, and looked down.

"I'm sorry. I--I should go to bed," I told them, getting up.

The two were silent as I walked out of the room. What is up with you? I asked myself, walking into my bedroom. Taking a few deep breaths, I leaned against my door. I felt angry. And confused. I was stressed. And sad. I guess these emotions could make anyone snap. But I never snapped at those two. Ever. Maybe you do need rest. I sighed and got ready for bed, despite the early time.

Instead of slipping under my covers, however, I huddled up on the chair beside the large window. I laid my head against the back of the chair and stared out into the growing darkness. I wished I had never gone to dinner that night. Then none of this would be happening. Namjoon wouldn't have gotten angry and confessed. Jimin would still be here. Or should I say Sasin. I flinched at that thought. It was all so confusing. I wanted answers. Needed them.

A thought would come into my head every once in a while, one that I would dismiss right away, before it could became a complete sentence in my head. Ever since Jungkook and Jimin's argument. It was a crazy thought. One that was impossible. It made no sense. And yet, it did. Which was why I had to push it far into the bottom of my mind before I could think it.

Because what Jungkook had called Jimin didn't mean anything. It couldn't.

••••••••

"Hi."

"Hello."

I cleared my throat and looked down, away from Namjoon.

"Um. So we should go," he said.

"Yeah. We should," I replied.

We began walking slowly down the street in excruciating awkwardness. I was happy that Namjoon had come to walk to school with me again. But I wished it didn't have to be like this. I snuck glances at him every few moments, and all he did was look everywhere but at me. I wanted to say something, anything, as we neared the school, but I had no idea what to say.

"Uh.."

I jumped at the sound of Namjoon's voice. I turned to him in surprise. He cleared his throat after a glance at me.