blue house; d&p

i

june 11; 03:30pm.

dan slams the door shut behind his back before burying his head in his pillow and sobbing into it whilst pulling relentlessly at his hair. he knows he's hurting himself and not just himself; yes, he knows that better than anyone else. but he's stupid and ignorant and reckless so he does it anyway.

"no dan, stop it. you're none of those things." he hears phil whisper gently.

"yes i am, phil. i am all of those things." dan says through gritted teeth, punching himself in the head, hoping that phil will disappear and leave him alone for now; but phil is still phil after all, he's still dan's best friend, and best friends are supposed to be there looking out for each other, right?

"shh dan, that's nonsense. you're the best person in the world, too bad some people really need to sort out their priorities." phil shushes, still with his utmost soothing voice.

"who even are you then phil? you're fucking imaginary! you're just my own brain trying to convince myself i'm better than i actually am." dan yells in return, and he regrets his words as soon as they leave his filthy mouth.

dan falls silent and phil does too. dan desperately wants phil to say something like he always does, but phil stays quiet. for a moment it feels as if he's left. gone. which makes dan cries even harder.

"i'm as real as i can be, dan." phil speaks up after what feels like eternity, his voice cracking. "but i guess i'm not as real as you want me to be."