Waiting

Memory

It's been 10 minutes, just standing and staring at the door. I just can't bring myself to open it, knowing what I could find out.

"Are you here about Carla Connor?" I'm suddenly snapped back to reality when I hear a doctor mention Carla.

"Yeah, I'm Nick her fiancé."

I try to read her facial expressions, desperately trying to have any hint of whether it's good or bad news without having to ask.

"You can go in and see her, you know?" She replies cheerfully as I make eye contact with her, joy spreading across my face.

"She's okay?" I ask and she nods in return as I feel a couple of tears fall down my face in happiness.

Six months. Six months and all this waiting, it wasn't for nothing.

She's really okay.

"Thank you," I say gratefully as I look back towards the door.

I put my hand round the handle and walk into the small white hospital room to see Carla asleep in the bed and Michelle sitting by her side.

"Hey," Michelle says to me with a smile on her face and I know she's thinking the same as I am. All this time, every single minute we spent by her bedside, willing her to wake up was so worth it.

"Hey, have you talked to her yet?" I ask Michelle as I know she's desperate to talk to her but I just hope I didn't miss out on anything.

"No, she was asleep when I got here. The doctor said she'll be hopefully awake within around an hour."

"Okay," I reply as I sit, staring in awe.

Seeing her like this is so different to the previous six months.

She just looks so much more alive and peaceful.

For the next half an hour, we don't say much. We just sit and stare, waiting for her to wake up.

Because, unlike before, we know she will. Maybe when she does, things can finally go back to normal.

Michelle and I instantly look to each other as she starts to move around in her bed whilst rubbing her eyes.

It's too real.

I'm suddenly overcome with the fear that she would remember what happened and hate me for it. I should have been there.

I move my chair back slightly so I'm still in the room but just about out of sight unless she looks over.

As Michelle looks up, I know she realises I just need a minute. A minute to prepare. 

"Carla," I hear Michelle say, practically in a whisper as she helps her to properly sit up.

"Michelle," Carla croakily replies and as soon as she does, Michelle doesn't hesitate to wrap her arms round her and hug her tight, tears streaming down her face as she holds on to her best friend, cherishing the moment she's prayed for over the last six months.

After a few minutes, I see Michelle nod to me and Carla suddenly turn her head, noticing my presence.

I expect her to look happy but she doesn't. Her face is just a look of shock.

The fear that she blames me for it all abruptly returns as she opens her mouth and I'm scared she will tell me to leave.

"Nick, what are you doing here?"

I look up in confusion and think maybe I heard her wrong. Glancing at Michelle, I see confusion spread across her face too at Carla's question.

"Is Leanne not wondering where you are?"

No.

This can't be happening.

I'm begging and pleading that I've misunderstood or she's joking or anything as I go back to looking at her, my heart breaking at her words as I remember what a doctor said to me shortly after the robbery: "we can't be certain but I have to warn you even if she does wake up, there's no guarantee that she won't have any form of memory loss due to the impact on her head. We can't be sure until she's woken up though."

I feel the tears as they cascade down my face falling onto the floor and now it's her turn for the look of confusion as she turns back to Michelle.

I didn't think m heart could break any more than it already had but as soon as she asked her next question, I realised just how wrong I was.

"Is Peter not here? Does he know I'm awake yet?"

Peter.