Waiting

No Guarentees

"What do you mean 'Peter'?" Michelle asks but she knows what she means.

We both do.

Possibility of memory loss.

I don't think the emotional pain I'm experiencing can be any worse, not until I hear her desperately ask the nurse as she enters.

"Oh my god, is my baby okay?"

Michelle and I make eye contact across the room and I know that, just like me, her heart is breaking.

I may not have been there for her but I know about what happened with Peter and how hard it was for her to recover from losing her baby.

But, this time will be so much worse.

How am I supposed to explain to her that Peter isn't there because he had an affair with Tina, that Rob is now in prison for her murder, that she lost her baby and that we are now engaged?

Every time she looks at me, I can see the confusion evident in her eyes and it breaks my heart.

In her mind, she hasn't fallen in love with me yet.

I'm engaged to a woman who has no recollection of ever being in a relationship wi me, who thinks she still married to a man who cheated on her and who thinks she's pregnant.

"I'm sorry?" The nurse asks in confusion as she has no idea what is currently happening.

As Michelle nods to me to explain it to her, I stand up and lead the nurse out of the room, hoping that Michelle will be able to explain everything to Carla, although I doubt it.

"I think she's suffering from memory loss," I quickly get to the point, hoping and praying there's some way they can fix it and make everything okay again.

"So, she was pregnant? Do you know the degree of her memory loss? How much she might have forgotten?" She asks me as I desperately try to hold myself together though.

"She had a miscarriage and she thinks she's still married to her ex husband. Umm, I think she's forgotten at least a year and a half. I'm not sure but can you fix it?"

She instantly loses eye contact with me and I know what that means.

"Please say there's some way? I'm engaged to her and she still thinks she's in love with her ex husband."

She sighs as she replies with "We'll do what we can but I'm afraid you'll have to talk to the doctor if you want to know more, I'll go and get him now. I'm sorry but I have to tell you there are no guarantees."

Upon hearing the phrase "no guarantees" I can't stop a tear from rolling down my face. They said there was no guarantees she won't have memory loss and now she has. Now they're saying there's no guarantees she will get it back.

I quickly try to pull myself together as I brace myself for what I'm going to walk back in on but as I enter the room again, I see how mistaken I was as Michelle and Carla are sat laughing.

As soon as I enter, the laughing suddenly stops as they both look at me.

Carla, still looking confused whilst I can see Michelle looking down, ashamed.

"Michelle, can I have a word outside?" I ask.