Deliverance : an adaption of Jane Eyre

Chapter 6

A lot of neighbours must have been scandalised when I didn't just have a midwife to guide me through my first labour, but insisted on having Miller fetched, now established as a doctor and Mr Carter's partner. I had total faith in him, and he was the only one able to soothe Edward's fears over me. Though our marriage had given my beloved peace of mind, his nature was still as untamed as it had always been; besides Miller's medical expertise, I trusted his influence on my husband. If something were to go wrong, he would be the only one able to control Edward's rage.

But nothing did go wrong, and after the usual nine or ten hours of hard work we were the parents of a beautiful black-eyed son with a mop of black hair. The midwife left and Miller stayed, to take care of mother and child. Edward and I had decided we would not have a wet-nurse come between us, unless we truly needed one. Miller would show us how to care for the little mite, and keep the dreaded fever away from me. Until he got called away to some life-and-death situation, for he was not on the lookout for a comfortable situation, he wanted to make a difference in people's lives, as he had in dear Edward's.

He did recommend a nanny, a very young girl from town that he had nursed back to health from a bad accident months earlier. She had been working night-shifts in a weaving mill, when one of the machines had seized her and mangled her quite badly. Miller had been hired by the owner of the mill to save what could be saved, and he had managed to preserve the girl's life and most of her mobility, but she was terribly scarred and no longer strong or brave enough to work in manufacturing.

Thinking we would be able to understand the girl's fears and limitations, Miller pleaded her case, and we immediately agreed to have her on trial, my Edward wasn't the easiest master around and Thornfield was rather secluded; I did remember my own feeling of being stuck there, and this girl was used to the liveliness of a large town.

As it turned out she actually needed the peace and quiet of the country, and the steady support of our elderly staff, to find back her inner strength. Miller helped her learn the duties of a nanny, and she discharged them admirably for someone so young, who was used to rough work with machines instead of being responsible for a frail newborn. When he did get called away a month after my delivery, Maria was ready to help us with everything, and our little boy felt just as safe with her as with us.

Maria thrived, and our little Nicholas thrived as well. After a few months Edward and I resumed our rides, though at first it was really hard to leave my little baby, even for a few hours. But of course I got used to that, too, and when summer arrived full force we took our boy outside to lie on a blanket in the grass and watch the clouds chase each other.

Then when John and his wife were due their retirement, Edward decided it was time to contact Miller again, who was glad to recommend a young man who had been spattered with molten iron, taking an eye and causing deep burns all over his face and chest.

He also had a trial period, to see whether John could teach him how to run a stables and keep up a garden, which John did with his usual dour practicality. But young Patrick found sympathy with Maria, which of course had been the conspirators' intention. Maybe the young people knew they had been set up, maybe they didn't, but the result was the same, new love bloomed in Thornfield hall, and the elderly staff got an infusion of young, strong people who were happy to find a safe place where they didn't feel ashamed of their blighted appearance.

Now I suppose you're wondering whether all this peace and quiet settled Edward altogether, making him lose his wild streak? And whether we didn't get bored living such a quiet, retired life, when we had seen such wonders on our journey?

Well, Edward did look a lot more quiet, but he was still wild at heart, a side of him I usually encountered during lovemaking. There was nothing to be seen on his outside to know when it would happen, but sometimes in our intimate times together he would overwhelm me and take charge totally, resulting in half an hour of total bliss. And other times he would be tender; he was still capable of harsh sarcasm, but his tender streak had magnified manifold and showed itself more often than not.

A second child presented herself on a wintry morning, almost three years after Nicholas was born. This time we didn't even have the midwife, Miller had become such an respected practitioner that the very same lady called on him whenever a difficult labour occurred. He had eclipsed the worthy old lady in skills, but they were not needed since our daughter was delivered quickly and without incident. Maria fetched and carried for her saviour, who did stay for two days, then paid us a daily visit for two weeks. With his handsome curricle he had no trouble driving the six miles between Thornfield and Millcote every day.

Little Helen was her father's child, very passionate, she fussed a lot and would throw a tantrum for no apparent reason at all, but her adoring father would cradle her in one of his strong arms and tell her, 'Good work, little one, let it all out. You know your mother is a passionate one, and so am I, so no-one is going to get one on you.'

And then she'd look at him with his own black eyes and calm down. Maria thought it was magic, and she respectfully said so, but Edward merely laughed and rejoined, 'That it is not. Little Helen and I just understand each other. It's the mistress who knows the green men, she can sometimes tell your thoughts by just looking at you.'

Of course Maria would nearly swoon at this proof of her adored master's love for me, though she didn't seem to experience a lack of love herself, young Patrick's proposals had been gladly accepted and the date for the wedding was set.

Thus Thornfield became a silent witness to marital bliss and parental love, and its gruesome past was nearly forgotten. I say nearly, because the reminders of the fire at least were always there, in my dear Edward's face and hand, in our beautiful bedchamber with its glass and iron construction. And in the mind of my beloved husband, who could sometimes slip back into a sultry mood, reliving his moments of shame and sin, lamenting how he had given in to his misfortunes instead of rising above them and staying pure of heart and mind.

'I wish I were as pure as you, dearest Jane, I would be so much more deserving of your love.'

Of course I didn't think so. I had done my share of reflecting on the past, and I so loved the wildness in my Edward, I knew the transgressions of his past had been the natural reaction of his untamed spirit to being fettered by tradition and the decisions he had been led to make as a young man.

'Dear Edward,' I replied, 'you have paid for your sins and made reparations, you need not reproach yourself any longer. Your past has made you the Edward Rochester I love more than anything, had your life been easy or without sin I might not have loved you so much.'

And we stood in front of the window of our beautiful bedroom, looking out over the rolling fields covered in snow. The sky was blue, the solitary trees were black silhouettes against the pure white drifts, and smokey Millcote was well-hidden behind a cluster of hills, the nearest of which held the picturesque cottages of Hay.

The crows were on the wing, black specks on a blue canvas. During the fire they had fled the scene and lived somewhere else until the next spring. But when the time came to build nests and rear young the temptation of the newly restored roof of Thornfield must have been to great for them, for one by one they had returned to re-establish their former rookery on this safe vantage point, until the colony was back to its former size.

We stood watching the beauty of our domain in silence, hand-in-hand, until Edward pulled me in his arms and kissed me with intense love and a hint of passion.

'Maybe you're right, my dearest Janet. You always were the wisest of the two of us. Will you join me in a ride across these unblemished hills today?'

The end