One little secret

Chapter Three

Caleb

I sit here, staring at the box that was once my best friend’s door. I stare longingly at the silver dagger and my fingers just want to wrap around the cold handle. I just want to thrust the small blade into my heart so I can die. Right here, right now. Doesn't everyone feel that way once in a while? Doesn't everyone just have that feeling? That horrible feeling inside you. The devil wanting to pry out through your pores to where everyone can see him.

 But everyone has an inner devil. It's what we're made out of. Sins. 

I'm a sinner. I'm a sin. 

My hand snakes toward the silver blade; the cuts on my wrist showing on the way. New and old. You know that if you can bleed, you're still alive. Sometimes I need the reminder. 

My hand is almost to the dagger, my mind racing with thoughts; my heart is racing too. My thoughts are interupted by a faint mumbling, I don't understand. I pull my hand quickly back so no one would notice what I was about to do. 

"What?" I simply say with an innocent voice. They think you're strong. You have to act that way for them.

 "We asked you what you think we should do," Ainsley tells me. Her eyebrow arched with curiosity. 

"Oh, of course," I pause. Think of something! Anything! "Um, who can tell the difference between a human heart and a pig’s heart?" I ask them, "I know I can't." 

"What are you implying?" Devon asks, with a curious expression on her pale face, reminding me of a confused puppy as she tilts her head to the side in questioning. 

"I'm saying: we just go to the farm right by my house and cut out a pig’s heart. It's easy." A sin. 

"That's really smart!" Ainsley smiles her cute smile, but it's gone withen a second with a sad frown. "What if they know? I mean, they say they're always watching." 

"We try to out wit them, you can drop me off at my house because I live right by a farm, then when we get there you guys will leave and I'll say something like 'so are you guys headed to get the heart?' and then you'll leave. Easy."

"Perfect. Well I need to go home before my brother gets worried," I tell them, "Do you want a ride home Devon?"

"No; I think I might stay here with Ains for a while. To keep her company," she says. I give my goodbyes and head to my truck.

My heart pounds with the thoughts of the dagger. I just can't keep it out of my mind. It's all there. My cold hands feel like they're frozen to the steering wheel and I try to keep my mind on that for now. 

I finally make it to my house, and when I do, my door opens to my father heading to work. My little German Sheppard puppy, Giza, runs out to me and licks my shoes. I bend down and pet behind his ears. I smile and laugh at his happiness and fondness of me. My father looks at me. 

"Stand up, straight this time. No lady looks like that." 

The emphasis on the final word didn’t bother me, but he did just get into his car without an: "I love you honey, have a nice day sweet heart," or, “Goodbye Caleb I'll see you after work." 

Nothing. 

 I pick up Giza and walk into my small, but elegant, home. From the outside it looks huge, but the truth is that I'm suffocating in this horrible place. I walk into the kitchen and set my precious Giza down. He circles my legs then runs to his food dish to eat. How cute. 

My brother, Andreiovich, comes into the kitchen. He obviously just woke up; he’s never been one to wake up very early. This was an exception. He asks me where I had been and what I had been up to. I give him my best answers and make him his morning pancakes. I've been taking care of the house since Mom died having my little sister - her fourth child - Ekaterina. My other little brother, Louis, the second oldest, is - and I can swear on it - already a player.