Recovery

Okay

Darren

After the events of last night my urge has grown stronger. Having her in my arms has made me feel like I have to be with her again, before it was bearable but now it's just torture.

I wake up and have a shower. The cold water has cleared my mind, but all the thoughts that have come to my head make my head hurt. I sit on the floor and let the water drown out the questions. It doesn't last long. The questions keep forcing their way through.

Is the baby mine?
What if it is?
What if it isn't?
What's going to happen with jade?
Will we ever get together again?
Would she stay with me if the baby is mine?

Ugh. All these questions, they're going to drive me crazy. I step out of the shower and wrap a towel around my waist. I go to my sink and I take my medication. It amazes me how much such a little pill can stabilise my mood.

I dry my hair with my towel and I put it back around my waist as I open the door. I bump into something as I step out and I see jade stumble slightly.

"I'm sorry. Are you ok?" I ask.

"Yeah, fine." She says as her face slightly reddens.

"I'm the bathrooms yours if you want it." I say and I rub the back of my head.

"Yeah thanks." She says.

"Coffee?" I ask and I see a little smile. "Take that as a yes." I say and I earn a little laugh. I step out of her way and I get dressed.

I tend to get ready early so I get time to myself before school. It makes me so much more alert.

Jade walks out dressed and I hand her her coffee. She sits with me and I bite my cheek so I don't put my arm around her.

"So, what's the plan? With Sam?" She asks. I sigh.

"I don't know. Wait for the baby to be born and find out if it's mine." I say.

"Well, if it is yours you have to use this time to build communication with her. And if it's not yours you can use that communication to support her. She needs help, raising a child isn't easy." She says.

"Yeah, can we not talk about this now?" I ask and I chug the rest of my coffee.

"Fine, but remember you can't hide forever." She says.

I sigh and we stay silent for a while.

"So how's Jake?" I ask.

"Ok, I'm visiting him after school. They might take him off the meds keeping him in the coma today. His arm though might need to be taken off, it's slightly infected." She says and I see her slouch and he voice drops slightly. She's sad.

"I'm sorry, I know he means a lot to you." I say and I instinctively wrap an arm around her and give her a slight hug. Soon after she stands up awkwardly and finishes her coffee. She washes up at lightning speed and I se her grab her bag.

"On second thoughts I think I'll see him now, see you later." She says and walks out fast. I sit back down and run my hands through my hair.

I go to school and I go to my new psychology class. It's bigger than the last one but it feels smaller than the other one. Today instead of notes we do partner work. I am pared with some random boy and I instantly regret telling my therapist about the class situation.

When I walk out of psychology it's my last class of the day so I go to my car. I start it up and as I drive out of the school grounds I decide to go to the hospital instead.

I walk in to the smell of disinfectant and my anxiety increases. I take a deep breath and I walk to the window where I can see Jake. I look at him and I sigh.