Seriously

Chapter 1: How to Get Away from Kidnappers

Walking on the sidewalk on my way home is a normal occurrence for me, not by myself of course I'm not stupid.

I usually walk home with one of my roommates. I've known one of them since we were in diapers and two of them since grade school and the one I met the beginning of high school. Seeing as I just completed my last year of graduate school that's a pretty long time.

The one I met in high school was the one that usually walked home with me, seeing as she didn't trust me to walk home by myself saying I either get distracted or arrested. But today she had a meeting with her boss.

The other three were already at home to bothered to get me in the car, so I had to walk home by myself even though we lived in the middle of the neighborhood that was right next to the park I was in, barely five minutes away.

But when you're me and have lazy bones making up than more than half your body you're stuck with having to take breaks every minute two on a good day, and it's even worse when the people you associate yourself AKA the ROOMMATES also only have lazy bones making up a majority of their body then you are,  like me walking home most days because you can't be bothered to wake up when they leave in the morning.

Yes, my neighborhood is relatively safe, seeing as we only have one sex offender. His name is Carl yeah he's a bit creepy and yeah he's a bit smelly and yeah he likes to walk around only in his underwear, never mind, you don't need that visual picture in your head. The point is that we only have one creep in our neighborhood, and I am pretty sure he doesn't have a black van.

Said black van that had been following me for the past five minutes. In most stories you would read the girl would have already been taken probably with either a chloroform filled rag or just poor common sense. Me, I am a paranoid person maybe it's from watching too many horror films or maybe reading a book about it or even just hearing one of my roommates talk about it. It doesn't even matter I am prepared.

Casually I put my hand on my phone and I called my most recent contact Audrey my grade school buddy, on the third ring she picked up.

Not even bothering to say hello she started, "Whatever you say better be good because I am pausing Harry Potter for you and he is about to receive his letter from Hagrid so get to the point quickly and no detours."

I took a deep breath, "So yeah I'm sorry and all but you should be to, your watching Philosophers Stone without me, so if anybody should be apologizing it's you. And by the when I get home can you have the door open because a black van is following me and I forgot most of the rhyme Molly taught us about black vans because I can only remember, always trust the man in the big black van and I'm pretty sure that's not-"

Audrey cut me off "Shut up and run the doors open!" Slipping my phone into my pocket, I took casually glance around me eyes widening when I saw the van was going at about my pace. The window began to lower and reaching out was a hand.

Sprinting away wasn't really an option seeing as the jerk wad in the passenger seat had grabbed the back of my favorite jacket, twisting I bit the arm that was holding me back. Hissing I turned around with pure murder on my face,

"If you weren't a potential serial rapist, murder or just a plain old kidnapper, I would kill you for even laying a hand on this jacket but seeing as I don't know if you have a weapon or some weird kidnapping tools I'm just going to run and let you off with a warning but next time, actually you better hope there won't be a next time. Because you won't be so lucky."

Turning back around I sprinted down my street not even turning when I heard laughter the back of the van or when I heard Jerk Wad number 1 start screaming at me.

Turning the corner, I saw Audrey in the doorway holding a baseball bat looking around franticly for me.

I smiled through the pain still too lazy to actually leave the house. I took a quick glance behind me I know stupid you would too if you were actually in a situation like this, the van was right behind me not even slowing down as the street narrowed.

Gasping I cursed I messed up my breathing pattern, it may seem like a little thing but when you are running with most of your energy and you are as lazy as me it hurts.

Stumbling just a little was enough for Jerk Wad number 1 to grab my jacket once again, coming to a complete halt, I jumped onto the side of the still moving van.

Climbing halfway inside I began hitting him screeching, "I already told you not to touch my jacket!" Hands began grabbing at me trying to pull me all the way in, closing my eyes I scooted in a little screaming at the top of my lungs into the driver's ear.

He let out a loud yelp and swerved a little, seeing as there was no seatbelts in this van the hands disappeared scrambling to find a hand hold.

Pulling out of the van I ran towards the door. As I stepped in I stuck my tongue out at the people in the van.

Audrey pulled me in sharply locking the door behind her.

Giving me a one over she declared, " If you're healthy enough to stick out your tongue at your would be kidnappers your healthy enough to wait for Molly to give you the final diagnosis."

Next on Seriously, When Your Kidnappers Have Manners