Today has been a rough one on the fragile mental state of a man defeated. It's an anniversary that will forever love in infamy in my heart and in my mind.
Cancer is a terrible thing to witness on someone who basically raised you, and was your first real father figure. It's always today that my heart beats heavy, my mind races with thoughts of joining you in the void of death. Suicide becomes viable as the sadness grows and the rationality dwindles to an all time low.
But then I remember what you would do if you saw me after doing that. I wouldn't get a hug or a happy hello. I'd get a disappointed look, and a disdainful dose of words. It's after that thought I remember all the good times and the cherished times I have stored away in my mental lockbox. When I hear your words of loving life echo in the distant reaches of my pitch black room. When I swear, I can feel the weight of your arms around my shoulders in an embrace that screams you're always there. It's always a day that will live in infamy, but also a day that I've come to accept as part of my coping process. Even after all these years, I find myself in disbelief that you're truly gone. Wait...you're never truly gone...you will continue to live on in my heart, in my thoughts and in the hearts of all those souls who were lucky enough to know you.
I might be be the man you pictured me being yet. But I make you this promise, by the time it's my turn to cross that void and meet you, i would have been that man for a long time. Bringing some fine aged scotch, and maybe a few cigars so we can catch up and be together again.
I miss you papa, you were my right hand man, and my greatest role model. I love you.
YOU ARE READING
Fleeting Sanity, Approaching Agony.
Non-FictionA basic run through of my own self opinion and thoughts.
