The Downfall | A Sidemen AU |

tobi

Trigger warning: Heavy mentions of divorce. Strong language.

Song: Broken Home by 5 Seconds of Summer

Tobi's POV

As fast as a bee.

That famous simile.

It's quite relevant to the events that took place in my life over the past few weeks.

It may make no sense at all because if it was as fast as a bee, it wouldn't be over the span of a few weeks. but time flies and a few weeks  can easily sound like a few days.

I always had a sense that things were changing now that I moved into my own place. Manny had even acted different. He seemed more distant from the world. Like he couldn't figure out how to get back into reality. Things are just different.

I feel misery. I feel pain. The same pain I felt when my parents came over to my flat.

I was broken.

My parents are getting a divorce.

"Things aren't meant to work out the way you want them too sometimes," my mother always said to me as a child. And now I truly and completely understand.

Some things just aren't meant to be.

My parents were always happy, at least that's what I thought.

Turns out, people can hide emotions and personal issues better than I thought.

I should've known the murmured voices that I heard at night were them arguing. And when they were always distanced, I should've known why.

And yet it somehow comes back to me. I know that I have something to do with this. I'm the oldest of my siblings, I should be the one helping out around home. Maybe I shouldn't have moved out. Maybe if I did something right for once, I wouldn't have such an unlucky life.

I have been so tired and emotionless lately that I haven't recorded any videos. I'm at a loss for ideas at the moment as well. And the lingering pain in my heart isn't helping me to be productive either.

And I don't even know why Im getting so hurt about this. I mean, it's not like it's my relationship. It's my parent's relationship but sometimes I feel like the one at fault for their divorce. And it hurts me. It hurts me a lot. And sometimes I think about moving back in with my mom but I have a lease on my flat so I can't.

And JJ came over the other day. I saw the bruises on his face and the dried blood stains near his nose. He really thinks I didn't notice that he was hurt. I don't know how he got hurt and I didn't wanna ask him straightforward so I just left the topic overall.

But when he asked about my furniture, I didn't know if I should tell him. But I'm kinda glad I didn't, he seems to have a lot going on in his life with the bruises and all, I didn't wanna be another bother in his life.

The truth is, the furniture is from my mother and father. As my father was moving out, he came over and gave me the stuff he didn't want and some stuff my mother didn't want. It was heartbreaking seeing him bring in furniture and other stuff from my childhood. I don't even know if I want this last piece of what reminds me of family and home and coziness. Because it's not cozy anymore, it feels broken and separated and just not right.

So that's why I told JJ that my parents were just getting rid of things. But I figure I should call JJ and ask if he is ok. Those bruises looked pretty bad.

I pull out my phone and dial his number. I hope he answers.

After a few rings, I hear a concerned and nervous, "Hello? Tobi?"

"Hey Jide. I just called to ask if-," I start but get interrupted.

"Hey, Tobi. Can this wait? Harry's at my place right now and he's going through some pretty fucked up shit."

JJ sounds sad but stressed at the same time and I honestly wish I knew what was happening but I don't wanna be nosy. Maybe it's a good thing being nosy though, maybe I could've fixed my parent's relationship if I was nosy.

"Yeah, yeah. Sorry for interrupting. I'll talk to you later," I reply.

"Thanks man. You're awesome," he replied then hangs up.

I sigh and stare down at my phone. I need to make decisions on whether I wanna tell any of the guys about this. If I did, there is only one person I would tell and that would be Josh. He's been my best friend since forever.

I click his contact and wait for him to pick up.

But he never does.

Figured. He's probably filming a video or something.

And then I click on another contact and I don't know why, I just need to.

The phone rings and rings and then the person answers.

"Hello?" Yes. Simon answered.

"Hey Simon," I say.

"What's up Tobes?" He asks.

"Nothing, I was just wondering if we could talk," I say shyly.

"Well, is it something stupid because I really have to plan videos and shit," He says harshly. And that wasn't pitiful either, it was plain old harsh and it made my heart ache some more.

And that's when I realized that it is stupid. No one needs to know about it. No one would care anyway. I can't keep bothering people about my life and family issues. I'll just keep it to myself then.

"You know what, Simon? It is pretty stupid. Don't worry about it," and before he can reply, I hang up.

And as I take a deep breath, a tear rolls down my face.