The Downfall | A Sidemen AU |

josh

Trigger warning: Heavy mentions of death of a family member.

Song: Always Be Together by Little Mix

Josh's POV

Exactly one week ago at 7:00 AM is when I got the call from my mom.

I was in the kitchen, sitting on one of the stools when it happened.

FLASHBACK

JJ had just left the house.

Simon was showering. He seems to be doing a lot of that these days.

And Vik, well Vik was in his room, recording videos.

Then, my phone rang.

I was delighted to see it was my mom because I haven't seen her in person in awhile.

"Hello?"

"Josh," my mom replies, sounding relieved.

"What are you doing up at this time?" I ask. She usually sleeps in a little more.

She lets out a shaky breath and it was at that moment that I realized she was crying.

"What's the matter?" I quickly ask.

"Honey, I woke up to a loud thud coming from the guest bathroom. I got out of bed to see what was happening. The bathroom door was locked. Luckily, we had the spare key made. I unlocked the door and-," she stops and takes a deep, shaky breath.

"And what mom?" I question.

"Your sister. She was on the floor. Unconscious. A bottle of pills in her hand. She tried to kill herself," she sobs that last part and sniffles.

"No. Mom what hospital is she at, I need to see her," I frantically say.

"Josh, you cant see her. Not yet, at least," she concludes.

"Why not?" I ask.

"She's dead. The pills worked. We were too late to the hospital."

I clutch my chest because it feels like my heart has been broken.

I always knew my little sister, Willow, had depression. I just thought she got better before I moved out.

"Ok mom. Bye," I say with tears in my eyes. I hang up the phone and that is when the anger hits me.

I should've been there for her. I should've helped her. I cant imagine all the nights she must've cried herself to sleep. This is my fault.

I throw my phone at the wall and scream. My phone shatters into pieces but I don't care.

END OF FLASHBACK

Her funeral was yesterday.

It reminded me of our grandmother's funeral when she passed away when I was 12.

The difference was that I didn't have a shoulder to cry on. It's because the shoulder I would've cried on, belongs to the person who is now dead.

It hurts knowing that someone you love so much is gone. It hurts knowing
you'll never see them again and you'll never see the light in their eyes again.

I rarely leave my room anymore. I just cant bare to face anyone.

Everything has changed. Not just for me, but for the others. For the times I do leave my room, things seem different.

I never see Simon whenever I go downstairs to get food which is weird because we have the same schedule. However I did bump into him in the hallway a few days ago.

FLASHBACK

I walk out of my room to go downstairs to get food. Surprisingly, Simon was in the hallway.

"Hey Simon," I say quietly, "What are you up to?"

I try to start conversation because we haven't talked in person in ages. Of course we recorded but it's not the same.

"I just need to use the bathroom. Jide is using the other one," he mumbles, almost like he is in a hurry.

"JJ is home?" I ask, shocked. JJ is barely home anymore.

Simon nods and looks down. It seems like his confidence has gone down because he is acting really shy.

We stand there awkwardly for a few more moments and then he walks into the bathroom and closes the door. I sigh and head downstairs.

END FLASHBACK

I know what Vik is hiding. I've seen his scars. I wanna help him. But it's too late. He cant be fixed, he's completely shattered.

And as for JJ, I rarely see him. I don't know where he goes. Partying, maybe?

-------

I walk out of my room to go use the bathroom.

After I wash my hands, I get a sudden burst if anger. This is all my fault. I should've been there for Willow. She didn't deserve to go through any pain.

She was the most caring, warm-hearted, and joyful person you'd ever meet. I don't get why she was forced to go through all of this. Like Vik always says, bad things happen to good people.

I look at myself in the mirror. Im so disgusting for letting her pain get to the point where she couldn't take it anymore.

I close my eyes and let a few tears fall.

I cant take this guilt anymore.

I draw my hand into a fist and punch the mirror, letting out my inevitable anger.

The crack in the mirror is completely noticeable. I'll have to come up with an excuse for it later. But right now, I just wanna crawl into a hole and never come back out.

I will never forgive myself for letting my sister suffer.

I will never.