Imagine for Bella :)
It's been exactly 4 months since he left me. This boy was someone I saw myself being with for a very long time. The way he brushed his hand through his long black hair. The way he gazed at me with such admiration. The way he kissed my forehead and called me beautiful. How he surprised kissed me on our first day. The way his laugh made my life a lot more beautiful. Him.
But he started acting strange. He told me that he wanted to focus on himself and his youtube. How could he lie to me in my face? I was so hurt and confused. He didn't care and if he did?, it wasn't enough. I wanted to cry but I stayed strong. He wouldn't look me in the eyes because he knew I knew. I knew his ex had contacted him and he still loved her. Why would he want someone who continuously hurts him and treats him like nothing. I'm sorry I'm not her.
I walked away and started crying my eyes out. He broke me and all I wanted to do was to make sure he was the happiest guy alive. I saw him at school and I gave him a half smile. I couldn't show him that I was hurt by all this. I was dying inside. How can he live with himself knowing he hurt me? Months have passed, I heard him and his ex had parted ways and she destroyed him. He came up to me one day and I was so happy and we laughed like before. It felt wonderful. We talked for weeks and he finally told me, "I still have feelings for you and I'm sorry for leaving." At first, those were the words I have dreaded to hear for so long... But now it sounded awful like a guitar out of tune." I looked at him and started tearing up. "You hurt me so much and every time I saw you, I died inside... You... Were my everything.. I was willing to do everything even when you were mean to me...but I'm sorry... I can't. I can only be your friend."
He walked away accepting the fact that's all we will ever be. I couldn't be with someone who will leave me again for someone else. The months it took for me to get back to being myself. listening to my chemical romance as I cried myself until morning, the fake smiles and watching him hold her the way he used to hold me. I want him. I do. But I don't want to be anyone's second choice.
*Nordan POV*
It's been exactly 4 months since I distanced myself from her. I didn't want to but it just happened. This girl was someone I saw myself being with long term. The way she yelled ,"what!" When I gazed into her light brown eyes. The way she played with my hair and kissed my cheek. How she got shy the first time I kissed her soft pink lips. The way her laugh made the entire world shine. Her. But I fucked up. I left her for my ex girlfriend. Man, how I lied to her that I wanted to focus on myself. How could I have lied to those brown eyes?
The look on her face was filled with confusion and hurt. I did care. I cared about her but not enough. I know she wanted to cry. I couldn't look her in the eyes because it hurt me. I couldn't tell her my ex contacted me and I still loved her. I wasn't thinking straight. I wanted my ex again even though she broke me over and over. When she walked away, I knew I broke this beautiful girl who wanted nothing more than to make sure I was the happiest guy alive. I saw her at school and she gave me half a smile and those light brown eyes were dull..empty.
I killed the happy girl inside. How am I living with myself? Months have passed and my ex and I broke it off. She tore my heart from limb from limb. I learned my lesson. I should have a year ago when she cheated on me and lied about being a Virgin. Did I ? No. I saw her again and it took every bit of courage in me to tell her hello. Her eyes were lit like fire and we laughed like before. It felt great.
We talked for weeks and finally I told her, I still have feelings for her and I'm sorry for leaving. She looked at me and starting tearing up. "You hurt me so much and every time I saw you, I died inside... You... We're my everything.. I was willing to do everything even when you were mean to me... But I'm sorry... I can't. I can only be your friend." Right there, I realized "and karma said, you will love someone who didn't love you, for not loving someone who did". I lost the best thing that could have happened to me. I lost her.
Bella,Her name stuck in my head like a good song.
She's ugly to me. Here me out. Not ugly as unattractive but ugly in a sense of me not attracted to her.She says I'm ugly too. We joke around a lot. She's my best friend. She's always had my back through the good and the bad times. I never had the thought of us ever being together. People would ask if we were together and I denied it. "She's like my brother" I would tell people. I laughed it off and she would make gagging noises. Winter days became summer days. We spent more time together and one day, I was bawling my eyes out.she was comforting me like usual. I looked into her eyes and they were shining so bright with the sun.She looked upset as I did. Sheged me tightly and a old couple walked past us. The old woman told her husband, "they remind me of us" the husband kissed his wife as they continued to stroll. I felt both are heartbeats beat rapidly and I pulled away. When I looked at her, I didn't see this girl as my best friend, I saw her as something more. It was scaring me. Was I falling for my best friend? No, I'm crazy. We can't be together.. It wouldn't work.. This would ruin our friendship.. She doesn't feel this way.
This was wrong. Wrong wrong. Oh dear. I'm in love with my best friend and we will never be anything more than friends.I messed up,And now she hates me.
