Letting Go [EXO FANFIC FOR D.O.] (discontinued)

Chapter 8: Visiting Distractions

I don't know what it was that made me do it. Maybe it was her expression, the glimmer of hope. Maybe the way she froze there on the street, as if there was no one around. As if I wasn't around.

I'm still here. I wanted to tell her. I'm standing right here. But why did I want to tell her that? No reason, I told myself. There was no reason.

So I did the first thing that came to my mind. I grabbed her hand and walked in the opposite direction. We'd take the long way, I thought. The long way back home and Baek would still never know. It'd be okay.

My mind was a scatter of thoughts. I kept trying to reassure myself, comfort myself, of something. But of what? Jealousy. That's what it was. I wasn't one of those people that would ignore my own feelings. I knew this emotion, it was jealousy, and that was that. But I still felt my eyebrows scrunch a little and I bit my lip to keep from frowning. I was still dragging Min towards the little out-of-way route back to my apartment. She kept asking, "Kyungsoo? What is it?" But I didn't stop moving until we'd walked two blocks away. I leaned against a brick wall and craned my neck upwards to look at the sky. She was breathing heavily, looking at me, still waiting for an answer.

"Kyungsoo." I realized her hand was still in mine. I quickly let go, but she just rested her fingers on my arm instead. "What the heck was that about?" She asked me. 

How was I supposed to answer her? I didn't even know why. 

Well. Maybe a part of me did.

"Nothing. Just..." I tried my best to not lie. I wasn't lying. This was what I honestly thought. "It's just...this guy has been hurting you for ages. I always thought clinging to the past wasn't...a good thing to do." I winced at my own words. Wasn't that what I was doing? Clinging to the past? But it was different too. Hwa Min didn't know me. She didn't know my past. So with her, I was someone normal. "Even if you met up with him today," I continued. "Maybe you should lay low." 

Her face dropped. She lifted her hand off my arm and stood there, biting her tongue. She opened her mouth to say something, but closed it again. I felt a tinge of disappointment. Maybe I'd said the wrong thing. She nodded. "You're right." But the tone of her voice didn't seem to fit her words. She was sad. I knew it. 

But she quickly hid it. She gave me a small smile, and I was almost lifted by her show. She was so like me, pushing the memories and sadness away and putting up this facade. I mentally applauded her bravery. "Let's go to your place." She said. And we did. I led the way, with her next to me, and we chatted. Like nothing happened. Like we didn't just see Kris.

I wanted that ability too. To be able to act like nothing ever happened.

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I opened the door for her and she thanked me on her way in. I shut the door quietly behind me. "Do you want something to drink? Or anything else?" I'd already lost sight of her. That girl really knew how to disappear into thin air. I found her in the kitchen, just looking around. 

"Do you have any chocolate?" She asked me suddenly, perking up. 

"I- what?" I was caught off guard by the sudden request.

"Chocolate." She repeated.

Actually, we did have some. Baekhyun liked to buy sweets every other week, for the sake of having sugar when coffee didn't seem appropriate at the moment. I opened a cabinet above the counter and handed her a pack of pocky. She seemed equally surprised to have actually received the chocolate. "Oh, thanks." She tore open the plastic and put one in her mouth, chocolate-covered side sticking out. "I didn't expect you to actually have any."

"Well, I didn't expect you to ask for any, so we're even." I took a pocky stick from her pack and sucked on it. She glared at me for a second, and I grinned in return. 

We ate the pocky one by one, mostly Min because she was the one who asked for it. She smiled after throwing away the plastic and licked her lips. "Thanks again." She seemed to feel better already.

"Why chocolate?" I figured I'd ask.

"Did you know dark chocolate is good for your heart?" She turned to explore the rest of the apartment.

"Huh?" I tailed behind her. "I hate to say it, but that wasn't dark chocolate."

"Oh, I know." She stopped in front of the small bookshelf in our living room. I almost wanted to stop her; my half of the bookshelf was partly full of manga. "But, maybe it's more of a mentality thing. Like, if dark chocolate is good for your heart health, then maybe milk chocolate is good for your heart." She turned to look at me. "Right?"

All I could do was nod. 

"You have a roommate, right?" She sat down precariously on the edge of the couch armrest. I nodded again.

"Yeah. He moved up here with me from my, uh, hometown." She looked up at me curiously and I had the strangest temptation to stroke her round cheek with my finger.

"I see." She kept staring at me, waiting. I decided to just tell her about him, and ignore my temptations. I sat down on the couch, behind where she perched.  "His name's Byun Baekhyun. He's a great kid, really smart and talented and all that. He's going to be a singer. Debuting soon." I didn't mention the fact that he was gay. That wasn't mine to tell.

"Oh!" She cried out in recognition. "I've heard of him! Byun Baekhyun, the new solo artist, right? Wow, that's amazing." She gave me a warm smile and I felt my heart burst. "You two must be great friends. Do you sing too?"

I unfroze myself and stared ahead. "I do. I mean, can. So I've been told."

"So then why don't you sing with Baekhyun?"

I just gave her the same answer I gave Baek. "Because it's not what I want to do." 

She's quiet for a second. Then the door opens and we both turn our heads at the sound. "SooSoo, I'm home!" It was Baekhyun. Min looks at me and mouths, SooSoo? I shake my head and stand up.

"Baek, we have company."

He walked into the living room with his head down. "We do?" He lifted his head and locked eyes with Min. I wonder what he was more shocked by. That we had a guest, or that that guest was a girl. He gave me this look, but didn't question it. Baekhyun smiled at Hwa Min. 

"Hi, I'm Byun Baekhyun." He reached a hand out and she shook it. "Nice to meet you."

"I'm Lee Hwa Min. Nice to meet you too." 

He looked back at me after releasing her hand. "Kyungsoo, can I talk to you for a sec?" 

I nodded and told Min that I'd be right back. She gave me a reassuring nod.

"Soo," He began as we walked into my bedroom. "I thought I told you not to go outside."

Right. I thought. How would I have explained Min without mentioning the fact that I'd travelled into society? "Sorry Baek." I told him, and I felt sorry too. He sighed and weakly smiled. 

"It's alright. Just...let's talk later, okay?" Sometimes this kid treated me like his own brother. I didn't mind, but I still didn't like how worried he was. I nodded. 

"I'll go make dinner." We walked back to the living room to find Min staring at the piano. Yes, we had a piano. We didn't use it that often anymore, but it was there when we were in the mood. She was almost entranced by it.

She looked up at the sound of our footsteps. "Can I play?"

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Please tell me if there are any typos! thanks loves~ sorry for the late update!