Letting Go [EXO FANFIC FOR D.O.] (discontinued)

Chapter 4: Ignoring Memories

"Hyung, did you..get the mail yesterday?" I shouted down the hall for Baekhyun to hear as he changed in his room.

"It was Sunday, idiot. There is no mail." He yelled back at me.

I picked up the white envelope that waited for me on the kitchen counter. It hadn't moved since yesterday. "Then what's this?" I asked him, even though I obviously knew what it was.

"Dunno. I found it peeking out of our mailbox when I came back home last night."

I bent the corners slowly, fidgeting, taking my time with it. "To: Kyungsoo", it said on the front, in handwritten blue pen. Something about this handwriting was familiar and I felt butterflies in my stomach. I was already feeling nervous even though I hadn't read a thing. I heard Baekhyun yell, "SooSoo?" For a second, I'd forgotten about him.

"Yeah. 'Kay. I'm fine." I heard a door close and Baekhyun walks up to me, pulling down his black, v-neck, short-sleeved t-shirt. He smelled like shampoo and his hair is still wet and sticking to his forehead a little. There's a drop of water crawling down his neck. 

"You're gonna read it?" He nods to the envelope. "Who's it from?" He takes it from me gently, not that I had a very strong hold on it anyway. "The handwriting looks kinda familiar.."

"That's what I was thinki--" My eyes widened as it hit me, and I snatched it back from him as fast as I could.

"Hey, you alright?" He put a hand on my shoulder, but I ignored it. I ripped open the seal and took out the first piece of paper. It felt a little thicker than your average printer paper. Baekhyun was silent as he read what was written on the small 3 x 5 index card.

"I knew it." I muttered to myself.

"Did you guess who I was before opening this? I bet you already know. It's me, Kai."

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I sat on the edge of my bed, the mattress caving in a little where I sat so it felt like I might fall off at any minute. I was still fidgeting with the neatly folded paper. Baekhyun didn't bring up the letter for the rest of the day and I was thankful for it. The sun was setting outside; another day wasted indoors with nothing to do except think about this goddamn letter.

I breathed in deeply...and started reading. The first contact I've made with my past life in the last several months. That's what this was. And I wasn't ready.

Dear Kyungsoo,

It was extremely like him to start with something cliched and cheesy like "dear". I shook my head at how predictable he sometimes was. And then I ignored the warm feeling in my stomach.

I'm not quite sure how to start this letter, even now. And I'm sure this is already sounding dumb.

Maybe a little.

I've been meaning to contact you for a while but...how? Hyung, what are you doing? Did this letter even make it to you? I had to pass it on to several people before someone finally got it who knew where you are. But I can't trust if he actually managed to get it to where you are or not.

It was probably passed to Suho-hyung. Reliable guy like him, he wouldn't tell a soul where we are now. 

Where are you? How are you? Why...did you go?

You know why I left.

I'm sorry.

Don't say that.

Hyung...was it my fault?

No. Never.

I can't seem to figure it out. Figure you out. What happened to the Do Kyungsoo I knew?

He's gone. I can't figure me out either. But I had to, you wouldn't understand.

I want to understand what you're doing.

But you can't.

You probably think I can't.

Bingo.

But I know I can. I'll try my best to.

I know you would.

You're the brother I never had. So then hyung, why did you leave?

I...

I hope you're doing well, though I don't know where you are. Please stay healthy and take care of yourself! I miss you.

Oh, don't start to get cheesy.

If you're looking for something, I hope you find it.

I feel more lost than ever.

If you're reaching for a goal, I hope you make it.

I feel farther than ever.

And if you feel like coming home...then come back.

I can't ever.

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I read the rest of it in a lonely silence. Baekhyun was out of the house at the moment, having been gone from the time I started reading to now. I felt like I might go crazy until the letter finally ended with a last:

I hope you might try to write me back, hyung. I miss you lots.

Sincerely,

Kai

He'd written "I miss you" about five times throughout the whole thing and every time I saw it, I cringed internally. I had been quietly hoping he'd forget about my existence back there. I folded it back into its original shape and put it down on the nightstand next to the the bed. That was when Baekhyun decided to walk in. I didn't know what I looked like to him, but his eyes widened and he ran over to me.

"Kyungsoo, are you okay?!" He sounded distressed. He took a seat next to me, making the bed squeak a little at the weight of two people sitting on the very edges of one side of the mattress. 

"What?" I was a little more than confused. Did I look that bad? "Yeah, I'm fine."

He let out the tiniest sigh. I don't think he really believed me. "You look really pale right now. Do you need water or something? What the hell did that letter say?"

"Nothing!" I said a little too quickly. "It's...from Kai, okay? And it's just...about stuff back ho--...there." I'd almost said "home". But that wasn't home anymore.

He nodded like he totally understood, which I guess he did. I felt the need to leave the house, to get as far away from that damned paper as I could. Sometimes I wonder if this kid could read my mind. "C'mon, let's go out to eat tonight."

We both got up and walked out. I shut off the lights and shut the door, leaving the letter on the nightstand in the darkness, and out of my sight.

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From the author: (130905) I'm SO SORRY for the late update T^T !!!!!! I had my first day of school two days ago, and it was utterly exhausting! I didn't think it'd be that bad! Anyway, I'd written this a while ago, so I just had to type and edit. If there's any typos, please please PLEASE tell me! And thank you for being patient with me orz i appreciate it a lot. Also, congrats to EXO for Growl13thWin and EXO3rdTripleCrown! :) EXO, let's love! <3