askuroppa

Humanely and Normal

Four years younger than him and you are getting hate because of that, and because of your race.    

It might not get to you yet that Namjoon has other ideas about you. The two of you.

Last night, like every other days before he came into your realities and dreams, you fell into the black hole of darkness again. Except this time, he isn't there as the knight in shining armours to save you in distress like you imagine it'd be like when you established the idea of you and him together; when you think it'd be right for you to date him as Namjoon; when you assured yourself if you won't end up questioning some things other lovers would.

A promise is a promise: That's what he'd frequently said in the early days of your relationship. But you hadn't heard it in a whilst now. In fact, you hadn't heard from him for weeks, too.

And everyone was saying 'you'd be fine' when you asked for their opinions recently. It's an indeed another serious issue since that was all their response to you. Well . . . mostly. Even the persons you thought were your friends had given their backs to you since day one, but you, too, told yourself the exact thing and it's been a whilst now.

You're thinking, perhaps you don't deserve Namjoon by now. Yes, you had quite some time of your life to, but not any more. You want to be mad at yourself for not realising it earlier; however, you're nothing near giving up. It hasn't mattered yet if it's only now that it occurs to you that everyone around you possibly didn't want to roast you out of jealousy or 'concern' as they say it.

Namjoon tells you that he doesn't understand it at the moment, after you sort of just look at him and mumble some of your uncertainties then there's him. He has to take a seat to register what you think about everything. 'I had the courage to ask you out because I truly believe that none of the issues would matter by now. Well maybe a bit, honestly – but not this much!'

You say the matter wasn't coming from him, so he needs not worry about it (even though your heart aches at what you say).

'It's really scary to see people come and go in my life and others'. I got terrified at the idea that you won't be there at the end of the day. And I'm sure glad that you think the same, but at the same time, I don't want you to go through the phase.

I know nothing's permanent and we're not going to be stuck in this kinda situation forever. So I stayed strong for you. I, too, have things I prefer to myself and you're one of them so if someone else got problem with that, then they will have to eat it to themselves because I'm trying to not letting it getting to me.'

He cards his fingers through his hair and sighs, not even glancing in your way. Thus makes you think he's disgusted of you after all. After what he just said.

You remind him that he's not alone. Even as nobody – which he gets mad and sorts of rolls his eyes at each time you denote yourself so – you still encounter the people who want what they can't or don't have. You also mention that if the two of you have not met, you'd still find people who don't think you fit around, nevertheless. People will be unsatisfied of things.

His neck cranes backwards; he stares at the photos of him and you that you stick onto the ceiling. It's a whilst until he eventually responds. 'Can't you at least pretend that I'm not a celebrity or something and that I'm just a normal guy that supposedly has a few admirers?'

You tilt your head at this.

'Humanely, humanely,' he remarks, sort of urging. 'Even I got concerned if you're doing anything unacceptable behind me. I, Namjoon, have jealousy burning inside of me for your family and friends who get to see you every day. Because that's humanely and normal. I feel normal around you. Or else I'd go date any of the girl groups' members and just whoever I want because Rap Monster can get just anyone.' And then only he looks at you. 'Right?'

His New Zild triggers you to adjudicate the talk as unneeded and ridiculous and you want to laugh and jump onto him and tell him to forget everything and that you think the same in your parallel case where you're the known one and he's just a nerd with fake glasses to make people think he's really a nerd.

But you can't.

He has never looked so serious and stern and it terrifies you, to be frank. And you can't help but to wonder if he sees you differently now in spite of the matter of fact that things are worrying him more than they do to you.

Hey.' He gets your attention back at him. He's currently gesturing for you to come and sit by him, which you comply to. 'Don't let me do all the talking.'

Despite his demand, as soon as he has you in his embrace, he keeps venting, anyway.

'Listen,' he starts again. 'Just because I don't repeat the things I used to say to you, it doesn't mean that I don't feel them, I don't think of them, or I don't remember them. Our love isn't consisted of quotes from other people's experiences and love stories. This love is supposed to be ours where everything is about you and me.

I didn't reach you a lot and for quite some time because I was genuinely busy. I think it's unfair for me to suddenly disappear from time to time without having the chance to say I'll see you or I'll be right back in our conversations if anything pops out of the blue and I need to go,' he says, 'when you were so understanding about the times I need to spend for my fans after the ones we had to each other during my breaks.' The skin in between his eyebrows crinkles a little. 'I want to have nice, proper long conversations with you. Am I being selfish?' You shake your head, but, 'I'm sorry . . .'

You tell him if he's just trying to prove everyone wrong and wanting to be the best for you, so there is nothing he should be sorry for but prompting you to sit down and have this talk sooner.

He laughs, but you know he still thinks it was his fault.

It takes you just a few second to come up with the guts to suggest you're not saying that you won't break his heart at times, because even yours needs a little breaking for the two of you to get mutually frustrated with the feelings you share hence miss each other.

Maybe Namjoon agrees with you, because he cracks a joke, 'If you heard me on TV or my songs were sounding depressive and sad or just annoying beyond my style, it's definitely about Seokjin Hyeong,' which the two of you laugh at, and him nuzzling his nose against yours.