Sympathy For The Devil (On Hold)

viii) "42"

-Artemis' P.O.V-
"HARDER! HARDER!" I scream, turning into the pillow beside me, biting into it to keep middle my screaming while I let my hands fist into the sheets next to me. His fingers press into my hips, assuring me that I'll have bruises later, as he rocks our hips together relentlessly.
"Oh fuck," He moans not slowing his pounding into me. I'm close I can feel it intensifying with the heat between our naked steaming bodies, the hard pounding from his hips into mine. It's all too much. I can feel hot tears stream down my face as my body starts to convulse from the ecstasy. I'm too concerned with riding out the wave that I'm oblivious to him collapsing ontop of me.
"That was perfect," he whispers in my ear before pecking my cheek and rolling off me to lay at my side,"You're perfect."
I turn to look at him with a smile, adjusting myself so that I'm snuggling up against him, taking in his warmth, trying to believe it's all real. His arms snake around me and pull me into a warm embrace while slipping his leg between mine. His head nestled into my neck, his beard scraping against my raw skin, sending a shudder throughout my body.
He nibbles on my ear before lightly blowing on it, "You know luv,  you are a wreck in the head."
I giggle before turning to look into his blue eyes,"yea, but I'm your wreck, Matthew."
A low rumbling laugh comes from the back of his throat before I lean in and gently place my lips on his, my hands trailing up the dark hair on his chest until my fingers are tangling in his dark  hair. I slowly trail kisses from the corner of his lips down to his jaw, down his neck and on his shoulder.
I stop and press my face against his skin, breathing him in, but he tenses up and I can feel his abdomin convulse as he starts to cough horribly.
I look up at him and horror fills my heart and dispair fills my eyes as I watch the life slipping from his dimming eyes.
"No.No.No!" I scream into the air, tossing and turning.
"Shh," he whispers, holding me even closer to him,"It's ok."
He starts to shake and his head bucks into his chest violently, and when he looks back up at me, I'm staring at a different face.
I look into his now hazel eyes and feel warm again, but I can feel the pressure from his legs on mine slowly fading away until it's not there at all. My fingers desperately claw at his back, trying to bring him as close as I can, not wanting to let him go. Not wanting him to leave me. I don't even dare to look down at this oh-so familiar scene, but instead hold his unfazed gaze. The whole room is dark aside from us and his fading body.
Warm tears fall down my cheek, not from pleasure but of fear and desparity, as his warm body is being replaced with cold emptiness as the poison advances on him.
"No, please don't leave me!" I yell, my hands desperately reaching out to grab onto him but to no avail,"Please Adam. Please don't go! don't leave me."
"I'm sorry," He whisper with a sad smile. He continues to fade away whispering comforting things, but it only twists up my stomach up into more knots and I let the tears flow freely from my depressed eyes.
My hands make one last desperate reach for him, until all that is left is his beatiful smile, which fades away with him too.
I lay, a crumpled mess on the bed, as a quiet echo grows louder as it resounds throughout the cold and dark room.
Those few simple, but terrifying words resound throughout the room.
"I'd hate for him to meet the same fate as poor old Matthew."
I shoot out of bed with a start my eyes frantically glance around the familiar room, and sigh of relief as I start to relax.
Are you ok?
I give a slight nod and look at the sweat ridden bed, with the sheets tossed everywhere. It's the same nightmare I've had for the past few months, but this time with a few changes. The statement John had said and Adam being in my dream.
Its always been Matthew the entire time. What's changed?
"He has something else of mine to maime," I say looking down down at what I'm wearing. I'm wearing my jeans and shirt from yesterday, curiouser.
I shrug too tired to care or question, and instead just slip out of them and shower. Letting the warm water run over my skin, and letting my fingers caress my goosebumps ridden arm, reminding me, that this was indeed reality and that I wasn't going to wake up from this nightmare of a life.
After I get out of the shower I look at myself in the mirror. The young woman staring back at me with dead eyes, is not the same one from a year ago. So much happened between that time, all I can do, is feel pity for her and how destroyed she is inside. Her walls only so high, so as to keep people from seeing the destruction and rubble on the opposite side. Afraid that if they see it, they'll only leave her becuase of it, and just add their two cents.
I shake my head and continue to get ready, pulling on my nicest pair of black jeans, and my best robin egg blue blouse. I go back to the bathroom and blowdry my hair until it's perfect and bouncy. Usually I don't go through all that terrible trouble, but today. Today is special.
After slipping on my leather boots that go up just below my knees, I leave the room and sneak down to the dining room table, staying in the shadows. There's some banging of pots in the kitchen, so I gently slip over to the my books and look for my most prized, most favored book of all of them.
I move the dictionaries and encyclopetias and find it where I last left it. My gentle nimble fingers pick up the precious book and bring it close to me, so to blow off the dust residing on it.
"How did you sleep?" Adam asks me from the kitchen doorway.
There goes stealth mode. Miss Bow, you better get yourself together before deaf people can hear you coming from a mile away.
"I slept good and you?" I ask, letting my eyes float from book to book, avoiding eye contact.
"Well enough. I'm more worried about you though," He says stepping forward to me,"You didn't look too good when we left the bar. Do you need something for the hangover?"
I forgot about that. About the bar. It's funny though, because I seem to be able to remember running into every single one of my demons but nothing from the dinner. I consider myself lucky though, it's really hard for me to get hungover. I don't know why but I just can't, probably some chemical imbalance.
"No, I'm fine. What happened last night?" I ask, because the last thing I remember from last night is me leaning into Adam, tasting his breath, but our lips were still far from touching.
He walks closer to me, and my breath hitches as he invades my space, wrapping his arms around my waist,"Well, you were talking about how you were madly in love with me and how you wanted to take me home, and then you actually made good on your promise." He finishes wiggling his eyebrows.
I will my face to remains expressionless as I  figure he was pulling my leg.
His lips curl into a smirk,"Almost had you didn't I?"
I smirk, forgetting how intimately close we are,"Almost."
"Really though, you started rambling about something and once I took you to the car you passed out, so when we got here, I took you up to your room and let you sleep," He says with a nonchalant shrug.
Now that's a gentleman.
"Shut up," I murmur.
Adam looks at me with a curious look,"What?"
I look up at him, realizing how close we are and I pull out of his light grip,"Oh nothing. Uh, I'm going to go out. I probably won't be back until later today."
He tilts his head at me,"Where are you going?"
My eyes drop to the book in my hands,"I've gotta go see someone."
Something flashed over his eyes, but I can't pinpoint what it is. Jealousy? Anger? Hurt? Or all three? I'm not entirely sure but I can feel something in the air.
"Oh, ok. Well, um, have fun. I guess," he mumbles turning back around and walking to the couch.
I wanna go and give him a hug and tell him it's ok, but I don't want to get his hopes up, because with me, there is no future. Only the past now.
I sigh as I put the book under my arm and pull out my notepad writing down an address.
"Adam," I call from the table, and his head slowly creeps out from behind the couch.
"yea?"
I step forward and hand him the slip,"If I'm not back in by 5 tonight, go there and make sure I'm there."
"And if you're not?" he asks me, curious of how serious my tone is.
I sigh,"Then assume the worst and go home."
Not waiting for a reply, I turn and walk to the door.
"What exactly are you going to be doing?" he asks.
I stop with the door being held adjourn.
"Curiousity killed the cat," I whisper before closing the door behind me.
-Adam's P.O.V-
I watch her leave and it's like someone threw a wrench in my gut because I know she's going to go see her lover from last night.
I sigh as I lean my head back on the armrest and stretch myself across the couch, my hands folding behind my neck.
My eyes gently close and yesterday replays on the back of my lids.
Artemis' smelt like the woods, something that I've learned to love. I can still remember the pulsing energy I felt when she pressed her forehead to mine last night and how soft she felt against my skin; but I also remember seeing her kiss a man when I was leaving the bathroom.
I can't help but feel the heavy weight of a rock on my heart just thinking about the fact that she was scared of the idea of going on a date with me, but she'll kiss that guy who wasn't paying for the food or drinks.
I don't even know why I feel like this, it's not like she lead me on. Ok, maybe a little but she did explicitly tell me we didn't even have a chance.
Of course, it's my fault though. I shouldnt fall hard for women, especially women who show me they aren't interested.
-Artemis' P.O.V.-
I pull into the tight parking spot and turn the key, so the rumbling of the engine purrs to a stop but the battery of the car is still on. The morning mist starts to settle on the windshield, coating the windows with a thin layer fog as the cold simutaniously seeps in.
The seat leans back as I try to compose myself and try to figure this out because I've only done this once and that was two years ago. My eyes close and I try to remember her. But like a lost thought, I can only remember the way she made me feel, but now... I'm here for more than just her.
My hand brushes against the CD player and "42" by Coldplay starts to play on the car stereo, making my heart is fill with grief as heavy as lead. My eyes slowly close as I let our song fill the air and surround me with dancing memories.
<Those who are dead are not dead
They’re just living in my head
And since I fell for that spell
I am living there as well
Oh.. >
It's funny how back then, our song was picked because I was the one emotionally dead and he was changed me, but now...
<Time is so short and I’m sure
There must be something more>
Now the tables were turned and to me, it's about him. How I wish we had just a little more time.
I pull the keys out of the ignition and pick up the two bouquets of roses in the passagers seat before stepping out into the frigid cold and dawdle across the lawn, opaque with fog, towards the faint outline of an oak tree.
I dodge the occasional plaque on the floor or standing stone until I find the pair of rocks that now mean the world to me.
Gradually I lower myself until I'm settled cross legged between the two headstones and I place one bouquet at the base of the each headstone.
The silence engulfs me as I take in the moment. This horrible, but beautiful moment, and I just let myself read the engravings I've read over a thousand times already.
Diana Bow
1985-2011
A Beautiful Fiancé, and Daughter, and a sisters best friend.
"Be the change that you wish to see in the world"
A lump in my throat starts to form as I start to think about how much my sister used to live by those words. She was the complete opossite of me, she could see the good in everyone, no matter how dark their heart mat be. She always cared for others, so selfless, never expecting anything in return. It's seems like forever ago, but it was only two years ago. Two years ago, and I'm already starting to forget how she sounded. Forget how she laughed.
I shake my head to keep from spilling tears, I can't do that, not now, not yet, not ever.
Lets leave it to not now.
My eyes shift over to the headstone next to Diana's. I let my eyes study every letter engraved on the new headstone, already one year today, but still new to me. Interlaced with emotions still close to the surface. Still too raw.
Matthew O'Neill
1979-2012
A Loving Brother, Friend and Dream Fiancé
"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."
My fingers hesitantly reach out and trace the beautiful carvings, like I had never seen them before. I memorize every turn and twist in each letter, every pebble in every crevice.
The last time I was here was exactly one year ago for two occasions. Exactly two years ago, Diana died. Exactly one year ago... My poor Matthew was murdered.
A tear slips from my eye and mt breath catches in the back of my throat.
I take a deep breath as I start to do what I do best.
"Hey Diana," my voice manages to straggle into the air,"I know it's been awhile since I've come to visit you, but I just.. I can't seem to bring myself to come more often. I want to come more often, but now that both of you are here... I don't think I can do it."
I shift my weight, bringing my coat closer around myself, trying to keep the cold out,"I'm doing better though. I'm not having suicidal thoughts anymore. I've also met someone. He is so charming and handsome."
My head starts to hang low,"He's everything that I need, but I'm not sure I can move on. Or if I want to move on. I know lietenent Malcolm hasn't and yes I know you told me our relationship was poisonous but I didn't realize it on time and he fell for me. I didn't realize how much I didn't care for him until that pregancy scare you remember, the first time I ever cried in front of you."
I stifling a soft cry,"Oh! On a different note, I'm closer to finding out where he has his headquarters. I thought I let you know I still miss you dearly, I just wish I had learned to show you earlier."
I lightly cough, and unzip my jacket exposing my blouse and skin to the frigid cold,"Hey Matty, love. I wore that blouse you got me for Christmas, the one that's your favorite color. I thought I wear it today. Gods it feels like I saw you yesterday. I miss you so much love."
I'm choking back cries as I tighten my jacket around me before continuing, my voice wavering of nervousness,"Matty, I need to tell you something... Something I was planning to tell you on your birthday because I knew how much you wanted one. I can still remember how animated you would get when we talked about it..."
I pause, as I start to sob trying to think of the words to say,"Your baby boy is looking so much like you. I saw him a month ago. He's with my parents because after you died, I was a permanent wreck. In fact he's still with them and he's almost 7 months now. My parents named him Matthew, Matthew Roland O'Neill, in memory of you, I chose Roland because I knew you would have wanted to name him that, which is why I don't like to see or think of him often because he reminds me too much of you, but I promise I'll try to more often. I just... I just wish I had told you about him before you left us. I wish you hadn't left us."
I pause, letting my breathing return to normal so I can talk without my voice cracking,"Everytime I look into his blue eyes, I see you and his brown hair doesn't help either. I can't help but think that he's going to grow up and look exactly like you, personality and all."
With light tears in my eyes, I reach into my satchel, pulling out The Princess Bride,"I was thinking about how you told me you would read this with me, even though you already read it, but we never got around to it. So I thought I read it to you."
I stretch myself out across the grass and reddish leaves, laying on my stomach between the two graves, and let my fingers fumble with the pages until I find the second page, and let my voice fill the air with the words on the pages. Letting my eye lids get heavy...