Once and Again

Chapter Three

Riza was right.

Rj headed to the store for one last Thursday. He was surprised to find Maine there again, at the corner where she seemed to be working on accounting books. After he had gotten his order, he went to her table.

"Hi."

"You're back." She turned to him.

"Yes, pero promise last na'to. I guess – wait, are you okay?"

Maine's skin was pale, eyes were swollen, she kept on blowing her nose and she also had coughing spells. "Sick, obviously."

"Eh bakit ka pa pumasok?"

"Eh bakit ka nakikialam?"

"Concerned lang." He put down his tray. "Do you have a fever?"

"Hindi ko alam. Wala yata."

"Can I check?"

She did. "Uwi ka na. Ang taas ng lagnat mo."

She put her head down and closed her eyes. "Konti nalang tapos aalis na ako. Kumain ka na and then leave me alone."

"I don't think you're in any shape to drive."

"Please, Rj – Alden – Rj... Mr. Artista. I'm really not in the mood right now. I just need silence."

Maine put her head down again and seemed to drift off. He shook her. "Halika na. I'll take you home."

Too weak to protest, she agreed. They took her car. "Use the GPS. Plugged in na yung directions to my condo."

He found out that she now lived close to his own condominium unit, the one he bought so that he had a place in the city when he had late night shoots. Once parked, he helped her up to her place.

Her unit was simply decorated but very warm. Aside from the high-end furniture and equipment, she noticed that pictures of her family and friends were all over the place.

"Okay na ako. Sige na. Thank you." She said.

Rj started to leave but he noticed that she wasn't following him. Maine was already asleep in the sectional sofa. He could leave and lock the door on his way out, but he didn't.

He sat on the floor beside her and stared at her face, pushing errant strands of hair behind her ear. His thumb caressed her forehead.

"Dapat kasi nag-rest ka nalang today," he whispered. "Alam mo ba bakit ako bumalik? I'll tell you now kasi pag gising ka, hindi ko nasasabi yung mga gusto ko sabihin."

"Alam mo, when I left that night na nagbreak tayo? Ilang beses ako muntik bumalik sa loob para bawiin yun. Pero I didn't, kasi kelangan ko na talaga yung work and yun yung kapalit. I watched you from across the street. Sobrang tagal mo umiyak, I was afraid you'd never be okay, until dumating na yung Ate mo to pick you up, umiiyak ka pa din."

"Since then, I told myself I'd keep myself updated sayo. I needed to make sure na okay ka – nakiki-internet pa ako sa pinsan ko para lang makapag-open ng Facebook. Sometimes, pag may extra money, pumupunta pa ako sa may school mo. Sobrang namimiss na kita nun eh."

"Akala ko mababaliw ako nung umalis ka for New York. Nung nagkaron ka ng 'close guy friend'? Susmaryosep, inaaway ko lahat ng tao sa init ng ulo ko. Pero wala akong magawa kasi kasalanan ko naman."

"Ilang beses ko pinigilan yung sarili ko from contacting you sa Facebook kasi I didn't want our first conversation after the break up to be through that. I wanted to see you face-to-face."

"Gusto ko kasing i-explain. Sorry if I can't completely apologize for my choice. Kasi Maine, that would mean I regret prioritizing my family and my Mom's dream... I just can't do that. But, I will forever hate myself for hurting you when you had been nothing but good to me and have made me so happy."

Maine sighed in her sleep.

"Bumalik ako tonight for closure. Sabi ko sa sarili ko, last time ko na gagawin 'to. After four years, susubukan ko na talaga kalimutan ka. Pero, nandun ka... and kahit na tumutulo na yung sipon mo and ubo ka ng ubo at nagkakalat ng virus... Hindi ko kayang tapusin."

"I want a chance at us, Maine. Pero I want to be honest with you, I can't promise forever yet because we're two different people now. I want sana for us to get to know each other again before we could promise things like that but because of our past, I don't think that's fair to you. And if there's anything I'm certain of, it's that I never want to hurt you again."

"Pwede mo kaya ako bigyan ng chance, Maine? I know I don't deserve it but I'm willing to wait and earn your trust. Kahit ako na yung pinakamababa ang rank sa mga manliligaw mo, okay lang basta payagan mo ko manligaw ulit." He begged her sleeping form. 

"Eh kung sana tinatanong mo ako," Maine said, eyes still closed.

"Gising ka?"

"Kanina pa. Ingay mo eh." She replied, finally opening her eyes. She sat up. "You should forgive yourself, you know?"

"For hurting you? Never."

"I don't want you going back to me just because you feel guilty. I also don't want this to be about you settling your 'the one that got away' feels. You did what you had to do. If I were in your shoes, I don't know din what I would do."

He looked at her. "Possible ba for us to have a new beginning?"

"May boyfriend kasi ako."

"Wag ka magsinungaling. Have you forgotten na tutok ako sa social media accounts mo. Alam kong wala."

She squinted. "Fine. Maliit na maliit na maliit yung chance."

"Pero pwede?"

"Paalam ka sa family ko at PATULUGIN MO AKO. Utang ng loob may sakit ako di ba?"

Rj got up. "Oo nga. Sorry. Ito pala yung meds, hindi ka na nakainom kanina. Alis na ako. Lock mo na yung door." Just before Maine shut her front door, he gave her a piece of paper, "Ito pala number ko. Text mo ko pag may kailangan ka ha?"

"Style mo bulok. Sige na. Good night."

He headed home that night, for the first time in four years, looking forward to the promise of tomorrow.