diphylleia grayi • jimin

Fourth

❝Some people look past certain obstacles in their lives, they try to live on.❝

01/12/2016

New in:

Fresh, young author of bestseller visiting his hometown and giving interviews regarding his newest piece. Yoo Kihyun, new bestselling author, tells us about his past struggles with depression and paranoid schizophrenia, how he had overcame his fears and problems and how we deals and lives contently with his disorder today.

Seoya's P.O.V

My days have been the same ever since I've locked myself up at home. Of course my parents had noticed my slight change of behavior, my lessening appetite, my growing solitude, my never ending tears.

But they knew, it was normal for someone like me. It was just a phase; that's what they really thought about me.

Every day of those past few weeks, I had looked outside of my window, up into the grey sky that was crying terrifyingly long; I've remembered counting raindrops in those nightless times that engulfed me ever since I've set my life to this.
Sometimes, when the sky had been still crying, I could observe a gloomy, stationary figure behind my window, staring inside.

Jimin- I knew it was him. He knew I was watching nonchalantly every time, keeping count of those rain drops while he came closer to the window.

Even now- it was four in the morning, another one of my sleepless nights- I was sitting on my window sill, my back pressed against the wall, my finger gliding over the surface of the glass as the drops of water slid down slowly.
Even now he dared to appear again.

"My lovely Seoya." He whispered, sitting down in the dank grass next to me, only the window spectating us. "My lovely Seoya, you look so beautiful."

Due to the slightly opened window I could hear every of his words, coming from his extremely starved and skinny figure whose hand was placed against the glass.

"My lovely Seoya, you're feline eyes; I've missed how they'd lay upon me. I miss how perfectly your hands fit in mine." His voice was so delicate and quiet it was almost drowned out by the sound of the rain shattering against the asphalt, mixing together with other faint sounds.

I knew exactly that he was looking at me, while I kept on counting and counting although I didn't remember any of the numbers. All I really focused on was his voice- additionally those inside my head- making tears stream down my face.

"He's lying, Seoya. You know how well he always was at it."

As he moved closer to the window, his arms slung around his knees, his body trembling from coldness, I finally dared to glance at him. I regretted it the moment I saw how skinny he had gotten, how tired and sad his facial expression was, how crestfallen he seemed all together.

I regretted it also the moment that I saw drops of blood all over his body.

"When you visited your brother, I was visiting him too." He explained, smiling faintly. "But I came to visit him for a longer time, you know? Don't you think you should visit him for longer too? We could both visit him together every day, not being too far away from him."

"I'm not insane, Jimin. Unlike you I am not." I gave the boy a content smile, letting my hand slide across the window. "I don't need anyone, especially not you."

"This is our Seoya."

The sky slowly turned grey, then purple, then blue until the sun appeared brightly, blinding my eyes from counting the last drops of water on my window. I knew I should be counting those on my cheeks instead but I insisted on letting them dry while Jimin's eyes were glued to them.

Narrator's P.O.V

Denial- it's how Seoya tried to go through all this time, trying to keep herself alive whole scary thought were racing through her head every day. Every day she thought of him but every day she denied the feelings that still tickled in her inside whenever he appeared.

But her voices; they convinced her entirely, allowing her to be so careless, allowing her to speak to lowly of Jimin.

Pain- it's how Jimin went through all of this, engulfed in it every second, minute and even hour of his days; most of them were spent near Seoya's home. He didn't want to believe that all of this was over, he didn't want it to be over.

But he partly knew, there was no going back.

Right now, when he was lying in the bathtub filled with cold, clear water he repeated the thought over and over in his head.

There was no going back.

And this exact thought, it scared him so deeply and horribly he wanted to rather drown himself than have it echo through his mind again. It was so unbearably strong and painful, aching right in his heart; he'd do everything to finally be relieved of this sorrow.

He'd rather drown, he knew it. There were no voices that had to convince him- like in Seoya's case- because she had let him knew countless of times already. And those countless of times that he had sat next to her window sill, those countless of times repeated in his head even now.

He slowly let himself slide down, deeper into the water. It was slowly drenching his hair, every inch of his bony body, every part of his sorrow was taken away simultaneously. Not even Seoya could help him this much right now, not even if she's try to- which she never would.

Parts of them wanted to end this eternal pain- but other parts knew they couldn't. It was all thanks to it; whose petals turned transparent upon the mere contact of water.

Their love, their flower, their fate.

But, who'd dare to finally out an end to this?

_
this story is probably my most confusing one,
and so it its slowly nearing to its end where everything should slowly clear up.
I'll also write a chapter where I explain certain things :)